Consider Jokes / Recent Jokes
You consider McDonald`s "real food."
You actually like doing laundry at home.
4: 00 AM is still early on the weekends.
It starts getting late on the weeknights.
Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.
You`d rather clean than study.
Half the time you don`t wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.
Computer Solitaire is more than a game it`s a way of life.
You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.
You know the pizza boy by name.
You go to sleep when it`s light and get up when it`s dark.
You live for getting mail. (E-mail included)
Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.
Prank phone calls become funny again.
Wal-Mart is the coolest store.
World War III could take place and you`d be clueless.
You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest more...
The first thing you do in the morning is put in a dip
Your favorite beer is someone else’s
Your cologne smells suspiciously like bug juice
You think a spit shine means to spit on your boots and wipe them on the back of your pant legs
Your kids wear a high and tight and stand at parade rest
You tell the arresting officer that you have just been alerted and you were speeding to work
When you have dinner guests in between paydays, you try to pass off a hamslice as canned ham
You use your spotter scope to pull surveillance at the pool or the Pope AFB air show
You would rather smoke a private then a Marlboro
Your hide site is cleaner than your room
You set up concertina wire around your house to keep trick or treaters away
You spend your free time thinking of ways you would destroy things if you were a terrorist
You never enter a bar without an E&R plan
You consider a “Recon” walking around the bar looking for more...
What does Clinton consider to be safe sex?
Secret service agents outside the door.
What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer!
The Barber
A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got
his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No
charge. I consider it a service to the Lord."
The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer
books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.
Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He
then asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider
it a service to the community."
The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and
a thank you note from the police officer.
Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked
how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a
service to the country."
The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators
in front of the door.
The BarberA priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he gothis haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "Nocharge. I consider it a service to the Lord."The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayerbooks and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. Hethen asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I considerit a service to the community."The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts anda thank you note from the police officer.Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he askedhow much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it aservice to the country."The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senatorsin front of the door.
1. Shouldn't a guy with your IQ have a low voice too?
2. After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest.
3. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental.
4. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
5. You are as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker.
6. You've got diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
7. I wonder whether you'd still be an idiot if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
8. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
9. Your job must be to spread ignorance.
10. Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be left out alone.
11. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?
12. You should need a license to be that ugly.
13. Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.
14. Every boy has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.
15. Grasp your ears firmly and remove your more...