Constantly Jokes / Recent Jokes
The new name of my Fantasy Football team is going to be "Off Constantly".That way, all of my opponents will say, "this week my team is going to beat Off Constantly."Or, after a victory against me, my opponents will have to say, "Hooray, I beat Off Constantly!"
1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.
2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes.
3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.
4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.
5) Improvise Italian operas.
6) Gossip about someone to their face.
7) Answer every question with a question.
8) Repeat yourself constantly.
9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.
10) Repeat yourself constantly.
11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.
12) Repeat yourself constantly.
13) Change what you repeat every now and then.
14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.
15) Change what you repeat every now and then.
16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.
17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy more...
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
DOS Airline:
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they
jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground
again, then they push again, jump on again and so on.
DOS with QEMM Airline:
The same thing but with more leg room to push.
Mac Airline:
All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers,
and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the
same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are
told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and that
everything will be done for you without you having to know,
so just shut up.
OS/2 Airline:
To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different
times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill out a
form showing where you want to sit and whether the plane should
look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train, or a bus.
If you succeed in getting on board the plane and the plane
succeeds in getting more...
Constantly whining about prostate trouble
Name on driver's license reads "Walter Payton"
Can bench press 450
After changing baby's diapers, services your Jeep
Constantly adjusting herself
Has Adam's apple the size of a cue ball
On day off, appears on "Geraldo"
Knows a little too much about "Mork"
Winces whenever someone mentions Lorena Bobbitt
The Bea Arthur factor
* They constantly sit there waiting to be turned on!
* They always go down on a man!
* And unlike a Woman, never refuse a floppy!
* A computer is quite happy with one Floppy at a time! (Oooh a Nasty one that)
* They constantly play games with you
* You get a new Desktop Wall Paper regulrarly (I think this refers to makeup)
* In a Crisis, at least you get an instruction manual with a Computer
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California With gun in lap: L. A. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male One hand more...