Contest Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a group of scientists and they were all sitting around discussing which one of them was going to go to God and tell Him that they didn't need him anymore.
One of the scientists volunteered and went to go tell God he was no longer needed.
The scientist says to God - "God, you know, a bunch of us have been thinking and I've come to tell you that we really don't need you anymore. I mean, we've been coming up with great theories and ideas, we've cloned sheep, and we're on the verge of cloning humans. So as you can see, we really don't need you."
God nods understandingly and says. "I see. Well, no hard feelings.
But before you go let's have a contest. What do you think?"
The scientist says, "Sure. What kind of contest?"
God: "A man-making contest."
The scientist: "Sure! No problem".
The scientist bends down and picks up a handful of dirt and says, "Okay, I'm ready!"
God replies, more...

There was a group of scientists and they were all sitting around discussing which one of them was going to go to God and tell Him that they didn't need him anymore.One of the scientists volunteered and went to go tell God he was no longer needed.The scientist says to God - "God, you know, a bunch of us have been thinking and I've come to tell you that we really don't need you anymore. I mean, we've been coming up with great theories and ideas, we've cloned sheep, and we're on the verge of cloning humans. So as you can see, we really don't need you."God nods understandingly and says. "I see. Well, no hard feelings.But before you go let's have a contest. What do you think?"The scientist says, "Sure. What kind of contest?"God: "A man-making contest."The scientist: "Sure! No problem".The scientist bends down and picks up a handful of dirt and says, "Okay, I'm ready!"God replies, "No, no, no... You go get your own dirt."

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex".
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 year old." He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said "Me too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I more...

There was this contest if 3 guys dicks would add up to 21 inches they would win 3 million dollars.
So Mac goes first pulls his out 10 inches
Next was Andy pulls his out 10inches
Last but not least was Ben pulls his out 1 inch
Ding Ding Ding... we have winners
so after the contest Mac said "
if it wasn't for my 10 inch penis we wouldn't of won."
Andy said "
if it wasn't for my 10 inch penis we wouldn't of won."
Ben goes "
hold up guys if i wouldn't of popped a boner we wouldn't of never won!!!"

during a contest in a church, a priest asked one of the contenders a very hard question. -whom do u think killed jesus? she replies after thinking for a while: - i am not sure, but it is between Osama Bin Laden and Sadam Hussain...

What Not to Name Your DogEverybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog "Sex". When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said "I'd like one too." But then I said "This is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said "You don't understand I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said "You must have been quite a kid." When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife, me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said "You don't understand Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said "Me too." One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should more...

A guy walks into a tavern. There's a horse tending the bar, and on the counter behind the horse is a goldfish bowl full of 5 dollar bills.
The guy asks the man next to him, "What the hell is going on?"
The man says, "We have a contest going. You put a 5 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, and if you make the horse laugh, you win all the money!"
The guy goes behind the bar, puts a 5 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, whispers something to the horse, and the horse cracks up. The guy takes all the money out of the bowl and leaves the bar.
A few months later, he walks into the tavern again. The horse is still tending bar, but now the goldfish bowl is filled with 10 dolalr bills.
The guy asks, "Well, what's the contest now?"
The same man answers, "You have to make the horse cry!"
The guy goes behind the bar, puts a 10 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, and leads the horse out the back door.
A few minutes later, they walk more...