Continue Jokes / Recent Jokes

How to Make a Telemarketer Go Away
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"
2. If you get one of those pushy people who won't shut up, just listen to their sales pitch. When they try to close the sale, tell them that you'll need to go get your credit card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, shopping or whatever. See how long that commission based scum waits for you to get your credit card.
3. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...." When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling more...

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
2. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
4. 2 2 = 5 for extremely large values of
2.
5. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
6. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
8. C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL
9. C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN
10. -{-- The information went data way --[
11. Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression
12. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
13. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
14. The name is Baud..., James Baud.
15. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
16. Access denied-nah nah na nah nah!
17. C: Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
18. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
19. more...

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.2. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.4. 2 2 = 5 for extremely large values of2.5. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.6. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.8. C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL9. C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN10. -{-- The information went data way --[11. Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression12. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.13. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding14. The name is Baud..., James Baud.15. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! 16. Access denied-nah nah na nah nah! 17. C: Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.18. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..19. Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"20. As a computer, I find more...

Cat DiaryDAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape,and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vileoppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little more...

Microsoft Clarifies Trademark Policies
REDMOND, Washington - January 4, 1995 - In response to customer inquiries, Microsoft today clarified the naming policy for Bob(tm), its new software product designed for computer beginners. Contrary to rumors, Microsoft will not demand that all persons formerly named "Bob" immediately select new first names.
"I don't know where these rumors come from," commented Steve Balmer, Microsoft Executive Vice President for Worldwide Sales and Support. "It's ridiculous to think Microsoft would force people outside the computer industry to change their names. We won't, and our licensing policies for people within the industry will be so reasonable that the Justice Department could never question them."
Balmer said employees of other computer companies will be given the opportunity to select new names, and will also be offered a licensing option allowing them to continue using their former names at very low more...

Thene new error messages is icluded in the new version of Windows: Vista
1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4) Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
8) This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9) Windows message: "You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your
brain?"
10) This is a message from God: "Rebooting the universe, please log off."
11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
13) COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup and press any key.
14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16) Bad more...

The father says to his son " son for your first time, I'm gonna get you a prostitute. When the prostitute asks you what you want you say you want the 69 position. The son say's " O. K" So the boy go's up to the room with the prostitute and asks for the 69 position. They begin to do it, and the prostitute accidentilly farts in the boys face. So he gets up and go's to the window and airs out the room, then go's back. They continue the 69 position, and the prostitute farts in the boys face again!. So the boy gets up and go's to the window and airs out the room. They continue this 69 position and the prostitute farts in the boys face for a third time, the boy jumps up and says " if you think i'm gonna do this damn thing 66 more times, you must be CRAZY!