Contraceptive Jokes

The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night "Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive." The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again. "You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of relief. "My husband just found another one."

Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive 98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.
Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.
The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom 98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities).
A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive 98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for start-ups, aimed at the more...

NEW PRODUCT: MICROSOFT CONTRACEPTIVES
Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of contraceptive'98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.
Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.
It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive'98 suite consists of three products: Condom'98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package.
The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive'98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive'98 Small Business more...

Q: What do lawyers use as a contraceptive?
A: Their personality.

[Scene of two women sitting in a kitchen arguing.]
Woman One: "It's a detergent."
Woman Two: "It's a contraceptive."
Woman One: "It's a detergent."
Woman Two: "It's a contraceptive."
Woman One: "It's a detergent."
Woman Two: "It's a contraceptive."
Anouncer: "Your both right! New Earstide is both a detergent AND a
contraceptive!
[Scene changes to faceless woman doing laundry. Before and
after scenes show clothes coming out of the wash spotless.]
"Earstide can get even the toughest stains out! Look how it completely
removes dried in food stains, grass stains, caked in mud, and even blood
stains."
[Charts are now shown.]
"But that's not all! Earstide has also shown to be 95 percent effective
contraceptive.
How can Earstide do all these great things? Because Earstide is made
from real protein, and protein gets out more...