Convention Jokes / Recent Jokes

A representative for a condom company was on her way to an international condom convention. While rushing through the airport, she dropped her briefcase carrying her samples, scattering condoms across the floor. She noticed passersby looking at her as she tried to get the condoms back into her briefcase. "It's okay," she said. "I'm going to a convention."

While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk. "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to with our own problems." "Since we're all professionals," another suggests, "why don't we hear each other out right now?"
They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can." The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me." The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."

A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver "What's that building there?" "That's the Royal York Hotel" replied the cabbie. "The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?" asked the Texan. "About 12 years" replied the cabbie. "12 years? We build' em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months." A while later the cab driver makes his was past the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre. "What's that building over there?" asked the Texan. "That's the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre" replied the cabbie. "Convention Centre? How long'd it take to build that?" asked the Texan. "About three years" replied the cabbie. "Three years? We build' em twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, and it only more...

At a doctor's convention in Switzerland, a conversation was taking place in a tavern after an enthusiastic mid-day lecture.
A Danish doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor said, "That's nothing! In Germany, we could take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 4 weeks."
A Russian doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we could take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks."
The Sri Lankan doctor, not to be outdone, said, "Hah, we can take an asshole out of prison, put him in the Government and half the country will be looking for work the next day!"

Two doctors meet at a convention and go back to the male doctors house. After a while they end up having sex.
When they are done the male doctor says, "Wow, you must be a surgeon."
The female doctors says, "Yes, how did you know?"
The male doctor says, "Because your great with your hands."
Then the female doctor says, "Well you must be a anesthesiologist because I didn't feel shit!"

While away at a convention, an executive happened to meet a young woman who was pretty and intelligent. When he persuaded her to disrobe in his hotel room, he found out she had a superb body as well. Unfortunately, the executive found himself unable to perform.
On his first night home, the executive walked from the shower into the bedroom to find his wife covered in a rumpled bathrobe, her hair curled, her face creamed, munching candy loudly while she pored through a movie magazine.
Then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent erection. Looking down at this, he snarled, "Why you ungrateful, mixed-up son of a bitch. Now I know why they call you a prick!"

80, 000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention". The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80, 000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80, 000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcastmedia here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened -- the more...