Cabbie Jokes

A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his driver's license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.
The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the
hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big.
Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well, who should he see more...

A cabbie is driving by the Empire State Building
one day when he's flagged down by a fellow with a neat
moustache, wearing a bowler hat and carrying an umbrella.
The fellow gets into the cab.
"Where to?" asks the cabbie.
"Trafalgar Square, if you please," replies the fare
in a clipped English public-school accent.
The cabbie doesn't bat an eyelash. "That's
fifty-percent extra for out-of-town trips," he says, "and
ya gotta pay all tolls an' ferry fares."
"Very well," replies the English gentleman, and so
off they go. The cabbie drives to Kennedy International,
arranges the trip to London, and drives his cab into the
hold of a huge auto-transport plane. All the way across
the Atlantic they fly, the meter running all the while.
(Fifteen cents per sixty seconds not in motion, you know.)
When they arrive at Heathrow they disembark, and the cabbie
drives to Trafalgar more...

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring He replies:
"I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you"
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.
Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds,
"Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfils the cab
driver's fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts more...

A man walked out into the street in New York, and managed to flag down a taxi just driving by.
He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, " Perfect timing. You're just like Dave."
The passenger said, "Who?"
The cabbie said, "Dave Bronson. Now there's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along just when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave."
The rider said, "Well, nobody's perfect."
The cabbie said, "Dave was. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in golf. He could have played tennis with the best pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He could fix anything, not like me. If I change even a fuse, I black out the whole neighborhood."
The rider said, "No wonder you remember him."
The cabbie said, "Well, no I never actually met Dave."
The more...

This joke was told at a colloquium here by Dr. Steve Pinker of MIT. He
said it was an old Boston joke, so maybe you've heard it before.
This woman lands at Logan Airport in Boston. She gets her luggage and
jumps into a cab. She tells the cabbie, "Take me to a place where I can
get scrod."
The cabbie turns around and says, "That's the first time I've heard that
said in the pluperfect subjunctive."