Royal Jokes

Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far eastern country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.
Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to recieve 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled.
Mrs. Mueller is first. "What do you wish for yourself?"
"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings."
"Okay, that shall be granted to you."
Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few blows.
Next it is Mueller's mother-in-law's more...

The king was waving to his loyal subjects from the steps of the palace when he spotted a beggar in the crowd who looked, beneath the dirt and rags, amazingly like his royal self. He had a guard bring the beggar to him and the crowd was likewise struck by the remarkable resemblance. The king was amused, for he knew that the king before him had a well-deserved reputation as a ladies' man, as did he himself.

"Tell me, my good fellow," said the king, smiling, "was your Mother perhaps a servant in the royal palace?"

"No, Your Highness," said the beggar, "but my father was."

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationedon the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous newgame. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, thepilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowlyalong it at the water edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn theirheads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turnaround and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguincolony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguinsfall over gently onto their backs.

A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver "What's that building there?" "That's the Royal York Hotel" replied the cabbie. "The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?" asked the Texan. "About 12 years" replied the cabbie. "12 years? We build' em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months." A while later the cab driver makes his was past the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre. "What's that building over there?" asked the Texan. "That's the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre" replied the cabbie. "Convention Centre? How long'd it take to build that?" asked the Texan. "About three years" replied the cabbie. "Three years? We build' em twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, and it only more...

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game.
Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots searchout a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.
Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it.
Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs.
Audubon Society Magazine
(and thanks to Thom Wright)