Convert Jokes / Recent Jokes

The convert
Abe and Shlomo are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic Church. They see a big sign posted that says: - ‘CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM AND GET £20.’
Abe stops walking and stares at the sign.
Shlomo turns to him and says, “Abe, what’s going on?”
“Shlomo,” replies Abe, “I’m thinking of doing it.”
Shlomo says, “What, are you crazy?”
Abe thinks for a minute and says, “Shlomo, I’m going to do it.”
With that, Abe strides purposely into the church and comes out 20 minutes later with his head bowed.
“So,” asks Shlomo, “did you get your £20?”
Abe looks up at him and says, “Is that all you people think of?”

A rabbi and a priest had been lifelong childhood friends. The priest was always trying to covert the rabbi throughout their entire friendship. One day the Rabbi was across the street from the priest and they were meeting up at the cross walk. When the rabbi crossed the street a car came racing by and knocked the rabbi to the ground. As the rabbi got up the priest saw the rabbi cross himself. The priest came racing to his friend's aid and stated "I knew it! When the time came you would convert!" The Rabbi had no idea what the priest was talking about. The priest said "when you got up from the ground you crossed yourself. I knew when the time came and you were close to death you would see my way and convert. The rabbi proclaimed, "I did not cross myself. I was checking I had everything important.
Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch!!!

1. How to get rid of nuclear waste:
Sending nuclear waste into the sun is expensive, because of the amount of
energy expended in getting it out of Earth's gravity well, which is most
probably more energy than was obtained from the fuel in the first place.
The best way to get rid of nuclear waste is to put it on the government
surplus list. People will bid on anything if they think they are getting
a good deal. And as for the damage it will cause, frankly do you really
care what happens to people stupid enough to buy something that is clearly
marked "Hazardous Nuclear Waste?"
2. How to fund private space concerns:
This is a twofold problem: first the difficulty with Congress, and second
the lack of funding. Both these problems can be solved in one simple
manner. Make slavery legal again. All the work on the Constitution has
already been done; you merely need repeal the Emancipation Proclamation.
Now, since congressmen more...

There was a Christian woman who was seeking to convert to Judaism to please her Jewish husband. She was following a rabbi's instructions in a long process.
The rabbi asked her to go into a mikveh and dunk her head to finish the conversion. The woman responded with: "I just went to the beauty parlor and head my hair done. The permit cost me $35.00. Is there any way I can go in without dunking my head?".
The rabbi paused for a minute and replied:
"Yes, you can go in without dunking your head. However, you'll still have a goyishe kup".

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Convert to Catholicism and get $10."
One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?"
"Abe," replies Murray, "I'm thinking of doing it."
Abe says, "What, are you crazy?"
Murray thinks for a minute and says, "Abe, I'm going to do it."
With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed. "So," asks Abe, "did you get your ten dollars?"
Murray looks up at him and says, "Is that all you people think of?"