Cook Jokes / Recent Jokes

Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in-law declared that oatmeal would now be his cereal of choice.
But after eating his first bowl, he told my sister, "I hope I develop a taste for the stuff. It goes down real rough."
"Well," she asked, "how long did you cook it?"
"You're supposed to cook it?" he said.

That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man - as
well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts).
Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 a.m.
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU: the Weaker Sex
ECON 001B What Was Yours is Hers
SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If more...

A woman goes to a doctor to discuss her husband's infertility problem. The doctor says, "Just give your husband these Viagra pills in his next meal and stand back."
The woman goes home and hands the pills to her cook who was preparing dinner for a dinner party later that night. The woman says to the cook, "Just put two of these in my husband's dinner tonight."
As the woman walks out of the kitchen the cook thinks, "Sure, like I got nothing better to do," and she throws the whole bunch into the soup.
As the guests were sitting down to dinner, the cook comes out of the kitchen and advises the lady of the house that she must speak to her in that there is a big problem in the kitchen. The lady of the house follows the cook into the kitchen and demands to know what is going on.
The cook admits to throwing all the pills into the soup and cries, "I don't know what to do, the meat balls have doubled in size and the vermicelli is standing more...

A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. They hired a lovely lass for the job.
She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quite.
"But why?" asked the disappointed wife.
She hemmed and hawed and said she didn't want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, "Well on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I'm pregnant."
The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have children, and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay."
She talked to her husband; he agreed, and the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well.
After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she more...

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders ahamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it inhis bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on the grill. The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've everseen!"The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in themorning when he makes the doughnuts!"and orders ahamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it inhis bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on the grill. The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've everseen!"The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in themorning when he makes the doughnuts!"

1...Silence, the final frontier - Where no woman has gone before.
2...The undiscovered side of Banking - How to make deposits.
3...Combatting the Imelda Marcos Syndrome - You don't need new shoes everyday.
4...Learn how not to inflict your diets on other people.
5...Nag Nag Nag - how to overcome your tendency to be a fish wife.
6...An invitation to a party does not mean that you have to have a new outfit.
7...Man Management - Discover how the garbage can wait until after the game.
8...Personal Space - Leaving at least enough space in the bathroom cupboard for your partner's toothbrush.
9...Valuation - Just because it's not important to you.
10..Communication Skills I - Tears as the last resort and not the first.
11..Communication Skills II - How to think before speaking.
12..What he really wants - Is buying the right razor blades so difficult?
13..Driving a car safely - A skill you can also acquire.
14..Real women drink their share more...

1...Silence, the final frontier - Where no woman has gone before.
2...The undiscovered side of Banking - How to make deposits.
3...Combatting the Imelda Marcos Syndrome - You don't need new shoes everyday.
4...Learn how not to inflict your Diets on other people.
5...Nag Nag Nag - how to overcome your tendency to be a fish wife.
6...An invitation to a party does not mean that you have to have a new outfit.
7...Man Management - Discover how the garbage can wait until after the game.
8...Personal Space - Leaving at least enough space in the bathroom cupboard for your partners toothbrush.
9...Valuation - Just because it's not important to you.
10..Communication Skills I - Tears as the last resort and not the first.
11..Communication Skills II - How to think before speaking.
12..What he really wants - Is buying the right razor blades so difficult.
13..Driving a car safely - A skill you can also acquire.
14..Real women drink their share at more...