Cookie Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was recess and the pre-schoolers came in. The teacher asked Susie what she did today.' 'Well, I played in the sandbox,'' she said. The teacher said,' 'If you can spell sand, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie.'' So Susie did. Then Billy came in and the teacher asked what he did.' 'I played in the sandbox with Susie,'' he said.' 'If you can spell sand, I'll give you a cookie,'' the teacher said. So Billy did. Then the little Russian boy said,' 'Well, I wanted to play in the sandbox, but Billy and Susie were throwing rocks at me.'' The teacher said,' 'Well, that sounds like discrimination. If you can spell that, I'll give you a cookie.''

5. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in? and visa versa.
4. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad.
3. I will not annoy the dog next door (unless I? m in a bad mood)
2. I will come when my human calls me (occasionally)
and the Number One New Year Resolution for Cookie is...
1. I will not sleep more than 23 hours per day.

Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to come away from that cookie tin?
No more, mom. It's empty.

First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"

Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."

The teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write' sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."

She does and gets a cookie.

The teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.

Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."

The teacher says, "Good. If you write' box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."

Morris does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.

He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."

The teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write' blatant racial more...

10. The Count now says "point 0" at the end of each number.
9. All bug Muppets are now renamed "Features".
8. Oscar the Grouch now resides in the Recycle Bin. "Do you really want to delete Oscar?"
7. Mr. Snuffleuphagus sings the Microsoft sound whenever he wakes up.
6. Sesame Street has been renamed TheStreet.com, inspiring a lawsuit against Microsoft in which high-tech attorneys learn how to share.
5. Cookie Monster has been renamed Cookie Friend. He sells his book, "How to Track Who's Using Your Site For Fun and Profit" with continuously running onscreen banner ads.
4. Internet Explorer, Netscape, Opera: one of these things is not like the other...
3. Bilingual Maria replaced by DJ Jazzy Drive who speaks COBOL, BASIC, Fortran, Pascal, Oracle, C++ and something called, Adobe Acrobat.
2. Bill Gates admits that he's been doing the voice for Kermit the Frog since 1989.
1. "Brought to you today by the number more...

Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight.He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie with him on his next visit.When he was being examined the doctor shoved the muffin, the Twinkie, and finally the cookie up the guy's ass. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy.This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie up his ass.Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a mallet for the next visit. The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the Twinkie up the patient's ass.After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his asshole and demanded, "Where's my cookie!?" WHAM!!!

8. "What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren't enough
for you, tubby?"7. "Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops."6. "Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt."5. "Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan."4. "Patron who mocks waiter's accent will unwittingly consume chef's bodily fluids."3. "Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application."2. "Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck."1. "Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup."