Cool Jokes / Recent Jokes

You might be a redneck if...
When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.
Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted".
You own more than two clappers.
You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.
You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents.
Your lawn mower has more horsepower than your wife's car, but no blade.
You roll your pickup truck and laugh about it.
You think the blood on the front of your pickup truck looks cool.
You think the blood on the back of your pickup truck looks cool.
Your pickup truck no longer has a back.
The worst day of your life was when you dropped your bottle of Jack Daniels the other day.
The best day of your life was when you found an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels "over yonder in them hills."
Your mustache is longer than your wife's hair.
Cruise control in your truck involves fishing line, a more...

A Pakistani was sitting with an Indian and Malaysianin Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden Saudi police entered and arrested them.

But, as it was a nationalholiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after receiving20 lashes of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "I allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

So the Malaysian guy thought for a while and then
said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.

The India n guy, watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back".

But even two pillows could only take 10 lashes before the whip went through again. Sheikh turned to Pakistani and said: "You are from a brother country, so you can have 2 wishes!"

"Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful more...

The traffic policeman stopped the car driver for
crossing the traffic signal on a red.
`Didn`t you see the red light?` Growled the policeman.
`Yes i did`, replied the driver, `But I didn`t see you!`

Three PAKISTANIS and three INDIANS are traveling by
train to a Cricket match at the World Cup, while in England.

At the station, the 3 INDIANS buy a ticket each and watch as the three PAKISTANIS buy just one ticket for them all.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the INDIANS. "Watch and learn," answers one of the PAKISTANI.

They all board the train. The INDIANS take their
respective seats but all three PAKISTANIS cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train departs, the ticket checker
comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says," Ticket please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The ticket checker takes it and moves on. The INDIANS see this and agree that it was quite a clever idea.

So after the game, they decide to copy the more...

Bill Gates dies and fronts up to the pearly gates.
St Peter: "Well, you've got a choice. Have a look around here. Pop down to Hell and see what Satan has to offer. Check us out, and then let me know your decision."
Bill has a look around heaven. Lots's of sombre people singing hymns, praising the Lord (and probably writing Ada: -). He goes down to Hell. There are beautiful beaches, lots of sun, sand, attractive women (and a lot of C and Basic: -). Long cool drinks that never get you drunk. He loves it. He goes back to St Peter.
Gates: "Look, I know you're really doing good things here, but Hell seems more with it. More my kind of scene, you know what I mean? No hard feelings, but I pick Hell."
St Peter: "No worries. You've got it."
Bill finds himself back in Hell, neck deep in fire and brimstone, suffering eternal torment. He can't work it out.
Gates: "Hey! St Peter! Where are the beautiful girls and long beaches and more...

3 Pakistani`s & 3 Indians are traveling by train to a
cricket match at the World Cup in England. At the
station, the 3 INDIANS buy a ticket each and watch as
the three PAKISTANIS buy just one ticket for them all.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on only one
ticket?" asks one of the INDIAN "Watch and learn
"answer one of the PAKISTANI`s.

They all board the train. the INDIANS take their
seats but all three PAKISTANIS cram into a toilet and
close the door behind them. Shortly after the train
departs, the conductor comes around collecting
tickets.

He knock on the toilet door and says, "Ticket
please." the door opens just a crack and a single arm
emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it
and moves on.


The INDIANS see this and agree it was a clever idea.
so after the game, they decide to copy the PAKISTANI
style on the return more...

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man`s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You`re finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the more...