Corporate Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout. "You, your companies and your countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you`re going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?" The Englishman spoke first. "Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all your men." "That can be arranged," said the terrorist. The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor MY country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men." The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor MY country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Japanese style of industrial management." The terrorist turned finally to the American. "What is YOUR last more...

Corporate Lesson Number One: A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? ”

The crow answered: “Sure, why not. ” So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.
"You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?"
The Englishman spoke first.
"Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men."
"That can be arranged," said the terrorist.
The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men."
The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management."
The terrorist turned finally to the more...

Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. It is considered an offense to shower naked. You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers. It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. It is illegal to skateboard without a license. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught one will be fined or will have to go to jail. It is against the city ordinance to hang your more...

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN CORPORATE AMERICA TOO LONG...
You decide to re-organize your family into a "team-based organization."
You refer to dating as test marketing.
You actually know what a paradigm is.
You can spell "paradigm."
You write executive summaries on your love letters.
Your Valentine's Day cards have bullet points.
You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a
performance review.
You believe you never have any problems in your life,
just "issues" and "improvement opportunities."
You can explain to somebody the difference between
"re-engineering," "down-sizing," "right-sizing," and "firing
people."
You use the term "value-added" without laughing.

A little corporate humor
I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water & tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc. had spoons in their pockets.
When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask, "Why the spoons?"
"Well," he explained, "our parent company recently hired some Andersen
Consulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and after
months of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons drop
spoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil; at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time...nearly 1.5 extra more...

Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees traveling on company business.
TRANSPORTATION
Hitch-hiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on company business trips. Should hitch-hiking prove fruitless, bus travel may be utilized if absolutely necessary. Airline tickets will be authorized for purchase only under extreme circumstances, and the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Sacramento but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Denver, then travel to Denver will be substituted for travel to Sacramento.
Car rental fees are going up all the time, and are to be avoided. As a substitute for these charges, we recommend car-sharing. Simply turn your issued safety vest inside out, and you will notice that it now says "VALET PARKING ATTENDANT" over the left breast pocket. more...