Cosmetic Jokes

A 75 year old woman had a vision one night, she saw and spoke to God.

She asked:' God, how much time do I have to live?'

He said,' you have 35 years left.'

So that whole year she had a ton of cosmetic surgery, she had a face lift, a tummy tuck, her nose reshaped, liposuction, she completely did herself over. She figured as long as she was going to live another 35 years she was going to look young again.

After all this was done, that same year she was hit by a car and was killed instantly. When she entered St. Peter's gate she walked over to God and said,' What happened? I thought you said I had another 35 years!'

God replied,' Oh Good grief!!! I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU!'

TMZ has learned Priscilla Presley is the victim of a botched cosmetic procedure performed by Dr. Daniel Serrano. Serrano injected industrial, low-grade silicone similar to what's used to lubricate auto parts into Pricilla Presley's face.

Priscilla Presley's new face should last three months or 3,000 smiles--whichever comes first.

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job." The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!" To which the first replies, "Whoa I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"