Count Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blonde dyed her hair black, and thought she looked so great she decided to go for a drive in the country to celebrate. After a bit, she was driving by a sheep ranch and stopped to look at the sheep which she liked very much. She went over the the rancher and said, "If I can tell you how many are in this field right now, will you let me have one?" The rancher said, "If you can count that fast, sure!" The blonde said: "524." The rancher, amazed, told her to take her pick, for that was the exact count. After a few minutes, the blonde came back with her animal. The rancher said, "If I can tell you what color your hair was before you dyed it, could I have my dog back?"
How do man-eating monsters count to a thousand? On their warts.
Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father." Dad, today we had a Spelling Class -
All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?" "No son, that's because you are intelligent. "
Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar? ?" "No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father, "Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was atleast twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar? ?" The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."
Q: How can a woman tell if her man has a high sperm count?
A: She has to chew before she swallows.
42. Wear A LOT of putrid smelling cologne or perfume.43. Spill that same cologne or perfume on their book.44. Put down your book, then say, "Hey, ya wanna trade?"45. Bring a recording of very obnoxious music, and hide it in a bag. Turn it up full blast, and accuse them of having it. Keep accusing them, then get the librarian to come. When they find it in your bag, yell, "IT WAS PLANTED ON ME I TELL YOU!!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! IT'S A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY! ALIENS BEAMED IT INTO MY BAG!!! IT'S BECAUSE I DIDN'T LET THEM DO EXPERIMENTS ON ME!!"46. Without looking away from your book, say to no one in particular, "I know what you did last summer."47. Bring a piece of bread, and drop pieces of it down the little hole in the center of the table meant for cords.48. While reading your book, start humming a single note until you're out of breath, then collapse on the floor. Then get back up, and continue reading like nothing happened.49. Start singing "This is more...
It was in the mid of the seventh century. Before going on a cruisade the Count put on a special kind of moral-belt on his wife. It had a built-in guillotine that automatically would neutralize anything wanting to get into "the noble part" of her.
Three years later, he returned to his grounds. As he first spotted the people there, he noticed that something had happened while he had been away on the seas. He suspected, but didn't like the thought, that something dealing with his wife had occured.
So, he called all men of the village and told them to line up at the main square, where he ordered them to take off their pants. Horrified, he saw that the guillotine of his had been exceptionally efficient. There wasn't any man left in the village that could do "a man's work".
But - there was one small guy, beside them all, that seemed to be all fine. The Count, surpressing his disappointment, approached him and said in a sad voice: "So, you were the only more...
Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father." Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?" "No son, that's because you are intelligent. " Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this
because I am Sardar? ?" "No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father. Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father, "Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar? ?" The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."