Counting Jokes / Recent Jokes

'Twas the Night of Thanksgiving
Twas the night of Thanksgiving, But I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned - The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation...
The thought of a snack became infatuation...
So I raced to the kitchen, Flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground !!
I crashed through the ceiling. Floating into the sky...
With a mouthfull of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I sored past the trees...
HAPPY EATING TO ALL !!
PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE !!

'Twas The Night Of Thanksgiving,
But I Just Couldn't Sleep
I Tried Counting Backwards,
I Tried Counting Sheep.
The Leftovers Beckoned -
The Dark Meat And White
But I Fought The Temptation
With All Of My Might
Tossing And Turning
With Anticipation
The Thought Of A Snack
Became Infatuation.
So, I Raced To The Kitchen,
Flung Open The Door
And Gazed At The Fridge,
Full Of Goodies Galore.
I Gobbled Up Turkey
And Buttered Potatoes,
Pickles And Carrots,
Beans And Tomatoes.
I Felt Myself Swelling!
So Plump And So Round,
'til All Of A Sudden,
I Rose Off The Ground.
I Crashed Through The Ceiling,
Floating Into The Sky
With A Mouthful Of Pudding
And A Handful Of Pie.
But, I Managed To Yell
As I Soared Past The Trees....
Happy Eating To All -
Pass The Cranberries, Please.
May Your Stuffing Be Tasty,
May Your Turkey Be Plump.
May Your Potatoes 'n Gravy
Have more...

Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep I
tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned - the dark meat and white, but I
fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation, the thought of a
snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door and gazed at
the fridge, full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes, pickles and
carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round, till all of a
sudden, I rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky With a
mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie
But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees...
happy eating to all-pass the cranberries, please

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300, 000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3. 5 children per household, that's 91. 8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the more...

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

The butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."


When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"

No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species
of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects
and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only
Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But
since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist
children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according
to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per
household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good
child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time
zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which
seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that
for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a more...

Is There a Santa Claus? As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help fromthat renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased topresent the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus. 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300, 000 species ofliving organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insectsand germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santahas ever seen. 2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish andBuddhist cihldren, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total - 378million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census)rate of 3. 5 children per household, that's 91. 8 million homes. One presumesthere's at least one good child in each. 3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the differenttime zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he more...