Country Jokes / Recent Jokes

The CIA is hiring and is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him: "Do you love your wife?" "Yes I do, sir." "Do you love your country?" "Yes I do, sir." "What do you love more, your wife or your country?" "My country, sir." "Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her." The man says to the interviewer, "I can't do that. I guess that disqualifies me doesn't it." The interviewer tells him yes but that the gun is filled with blanks. The agency would never ask you to do a thing like that. He is disappointed but hands the gun back, gets up and politely leaves. The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him the gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes more...

There was a wizened old country doctor who could treat anything. Well it seems one time, one of the mountain folk came into his office with three complaints. "Doc," he said, "I can`t taste nothin`, I can`t tell the truth, and I can`t remember nothin` besides." Well the old Doc thought about this for a minute and went back, and made of two capsules full with cowdung, and gave them both to the man, and telling him to take one immediately, chewing well. Well, the man did as he was told, bit down and started chewing, then yelled out, "Yeachhhh... This stuff tastes like shit." "Uh huh," the doctor said, "Well I see that you can taste, and you`re certainly telling the truth now. And the next time that you`re memory is acting up, just take the other pill." And the old Doc charged the man fifteen bucks and sent him on his way, and never did hear no trouble from him much after that.


There are several kinds of doctors, and it is more...

After dinner and a movie, Carl drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse. Suddenly she jerked away, got out of the car and walked home. That night she wrote in her diary, "A girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they were necking, he slid his hand up Mary's skirt. Once again she pulled away, got out of the car and walked home. That night she wrote in her diary, "I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time Mary didn't get home until very late. That night she wrote, "Dear diary: There comes a time when even the best of friends must part."

After dinner and a movie, Carl drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse. Suddenly, she jerked away, got out of the car is a hurry, and ran home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, 'A girl's best friends are her own two legs.'
On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they were kissing passionately, Carl slid his hand up Mary's skirt. Once again, she pulled away, got out of the car, and hurried home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, 'I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs.'
On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time, Mary didn't get home until very late. That night, she wrote in her diary, 'There comes a time when even the best of friends must part.'

Once george bush, osama bin laden, musharraf, manmohan singh & a schoolboy were travelling in a plane. Suddenly, the pilot
Came and said - "this plane is about to crash. Put on your parachutes and jump!" there were only 4 parachutes. Bush said - "i
Am the president of the most powerful country in the world. I should stay alive" - and he jumped off the plane. Bin laden
Said - "i am the most dangerous terrorist in the world. I should stay alive" - and he jumped off. Musharraf said - "i am the
Greatest supporter of osama as well as bush. I should stay alive" - and he jumped off. Manmohan said to the boy - "son, there
Is only one parachute left. You are the future of our country. You jump and let me die." the boy said - "don't worry sir,
There are 2 parachutes left." "how can you say that?" "musharraf uncle took my schoolbag!"

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two on you.
If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
How Can I Miss You If you Won't Go Away?
I Liked You Better Before I Knew you So Well.
I Still Miss you, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.
I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid she'd win.
I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
I'm So Miserable Without You; It's Like Having You here.
If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss him.
She Got The Ring, And I Got The Finger.
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure.
She's Looking Better After Every Beer.
And the No. 1 favorite country song is:
I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women, But I've sure woke up with a few.

Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution: Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War: Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label more...