County Jokes / Recent Jokes

& Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2, 025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly.

"Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2, 025 pigs?" she asked.

"Yeth." lisped the farmer.

Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

Ma Xin, a magistrate's assistant in the County of Changzhou, was a native of Shandong Province. One day, he went by boat to call on his superior. "Where have you moored your boat?" inquired his superior. "In the river, sir," came the reply. This infuriated his superior who snapped: "Straw sack!" At that Ma Xin hastily added: "The straw sacks are all in the boat, sir."

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11: 38 p. m. Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the jail. Lawrence went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice the Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer more...

Q: What county in Ireland hates "South Park?" A: Killkenny.

A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify.

A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for
driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four
frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be
counted. The judge ruled that passengers must be alive to
qualify.

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Martinez, California:Gus Kramer faces an unusual challenge in his race for county assessor: His opponents would rather see a dead man elected.Kramer's only rival in the Contra Costa County race, Dan Hallissy, died of a heart attack April 10 - too late for anyone else to run.But Hallissy's name will remain on the ballot for the June 7 nonpartisan primary. And the incumbent assessor is working to get him elected.Voters should have "a chance to elect an honest, experienced person to this office," said assessor John Biasotti.A Hallissy victory would force a special election next March, open to any candidate.U.S. Representative Bill Baker, a Republican, also is backing the posthumous effort. His spokesman said voters should have a choice.Kramer, who briefly stopped campaigning to mark Hallissy's death, decried the effort as a "classical more...