County Jokes / Recent Jokes

A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriffs office and said, "Youve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens.""What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff."I dont care, just do something about those drivers!"So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSINGThree days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "Youve got to do something about these drivers. The school crossing sign seems to make them go faster."So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAYAnd that really sped them up. So the f armer called and called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the more...

Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2, 025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly."Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2, 025 pigs?" she asked."Yeth." lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

Yesterday, in a county in south Georgia (USA), a young
state trooper went to the local magistrate and requested
a warrant to arrest someone. The magistrate, doing his
job, determined there was insufficient evidence and
refused to issue the warrant.
The trooper arrested the magistrate for "obstruction
of justice."
Upon arrival at the county jail, the sheriff quickly
determined what had happened, and refused to lock up the
magistrate.
The best part was the state patrol post's leader's
response, in a radio interview. "We believe this was
just a minor misunderstanding. We have spoken with the
trooper, and it won't happen again."

A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those drivers." So the next day he had the county go out and put up a sign that said:

SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING.

Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The' school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county and they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.

And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called more...

John Magrich 4, defeated serval dozen grown-ups to win the 1965 Los Angles County Hog Calling contest.
The grown-ups strained with calls like: "Pig, Pig, Pig WHOOOoooeee, WHOOOoooeee, WHOOOoooeee, Pig, Pig, Pig" or "OOOOooooeeee, OOOOooooeeee ERGH, ERGH RRrkie, RRoooeee, Pig Pig Pig, Piggy."
John cried. "Here piggy piggy." and 6 pigs walked right up to him.

Alabama
• A 1950 anti-obscenity law in Irondale, Ala., prohibited any showing of anyone nude or "in a substantially nude state" except a babe in arms.
• Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.
• An ordinance in Linden, Ala., provided that all women of "uncertain chastity" had to be off the streets by 9 p.m.
• Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
• Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
• Children of incestuous couples are deemed legitimate.
• Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
• Hunting is not allowed on Sunday.
• Incestuous marriages are legal.
• It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
• It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
• It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
• It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone's pity.
• It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
• It more...

"The food in there's bad, but it's not that bad," a wise-cracking jailer from another neighboring city reportedly told our Daily Comedy investigative comedian team.
"Hardy har hee hee hee hee hee," came some vociferous laughter from this unfeeling, mean-spirited county sheriff's department official.
"This inmate has some mental issues he's trying to deal with. Needless to say, this prisoner's television watching rights will be adversely affected by this extreme action," came a more politically correct comment by another man wearing a police uniform.