County Jokes / Recent Jokes

Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2, 025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly.

"Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2, 025 pigs?" she asked.

"Yeth." lisped the farmer.

Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

After a long day at the computer, Eve Adams, economic consultant opened her mail.

Dear Consultant:
Your firm is currently on the Timber County Environmental Consultant List on file with the Departm ent of Planning and Building Services. Those firms on the list may receive Requests for Proposals from the County acting a lead agency or be selected by a private project applicant to provide supplemental studies in support of an application related to p lanning projects which require the services of a planning consultant.
In order to effectively maintain the consultant list and provide for public interface, it has become necessary to institute a fee of $25. 00 for a two year period. It is requested t hat if you wish to remain on the list, please forward a check to this office in the amount of $25. 00 made payable to Timber County.
"If $25 gets us on the list, how much will it cost to move to the top of the list?"

Note: This is a quote fro m an more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. From the Echoes-Sentines [?], Somerset County, NJ, Sept. 17, 1987: GILLETTE RESIDENT IS ARRESTED AFTER SHOOTING HIS COMPUTERPASSAIC TWP. -- A Gillette man was arrested at his home last Thursday night after he fired eight bullets at his home computer, according to police. The man, Michael A. Case, 35, of 64 Summit Ave., was arrested shortly after 11 p. m., at his house, when police said they received a report that shots were fired. They arrived at the home to find a. 44 Magnum automatic handgun and a shot-up IBM personal computer with a Princeton Graphics System monitor. The monitor screen was blown out by the blasts and its inner workings were visible, Lt. Donald Van Tassel said on Monday. The computer, which had bullet holes in its hardware, was hit four times while four more bullet holes were found in various areas next to the computer, Van more...

Hunting camels is prohibited. Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. This goes back in the days of the Wild West. There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus. Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses. It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water. You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
Glendale Cars may not be driven in reverse.
Globe Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.
Hayden If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.
Maricopa County No more than six girls may live in any house.
Mesa It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.
Mohave County A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
Nogales more...

Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth." lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

New telephone answering system at County Mental Health: (possibly off to mental health professionals and clients)
ring, ring. ..
"Hello, you have reached the automated operator for County Mental Health. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1, repeatedly.
If you are codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality disorder, press 3, 4, 5,& 6.
If you are schizophrenic, listen closely and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are suffering from depression, hang up - it wouldn't have done any good anyway. Thank you for calling, please make your selection now.

Democrat Marie Steichen was elected county commissioner in Jerauld County, South Dakota on Tuesday despite the fact that she passed away two months ago. When asked about electing a dead woman, one local voter said, "Well, at least she's not an actor like that feller in California."