Cover Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: DO I HAVE TO BE MARRIED TO HAVE SAFE FAX? A: Although married people fax quite often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.Q: MY PARENTS SAY THEY NEVER HAD FAX WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG AND WERE ONLY ALLOWED TO WRITE MEMOS TO EACH OTHER UNTIL THEY WERE TWENTYONE. HOW OLD DO YOU THINK SOMEONE SHOULD BE BEFORE THEY CAN FAX? A: Faxing can be performed at any age, once you learn the correct procedure.Q: IF I FAX MYSELF, WILL I GO BLIND? A: Certainly not, as far as we can see.Q: THERE IS A PLACE ON OUR STREET WHERE YOU CAN GO AND PAY FOR FAX. IS THIS LEGAL? A: Yes. many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and Must pay a "professional" when their needs to fax become too great.Q: SHOULD A COVER ALWAYS BE USED FOR FAXING? A: Unless you are really sure of the one you're faxing, a cover sheet should be used to insure safe fax.Q: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I INCORRECTLY DO THE PROCEDURE AND I FAX PREMATURELY? A: Don't panic. Many people prematurely fax more...

1. Cover your stump before you hump.2. Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper.3. Don't be silly, protect your willy.4. When in doubt, shroud your spout.5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick12. If you go into heat, package your meat.13. While you're undressing venus, dress up that penis.14. When you take off her pants and blouse, be sure to suit up your trouser mouse.15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.18. The right selection! Protect your erection.19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.20. A crank with armor will never harm her.21. If yo really love her, wear a cover.22. Don't make more...

Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced
regarding employees traveling on official business. These policies are effective
immediately.
TRANSPORTATION
Hitch-hiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged.
Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their
departure on company business trips. Should hitch-hiking prove fruitless, bus
travel may be utilized if absolutely necessary. Airline tickets will be
authorized for purchase only under extreme circumstances, and the lowest fares
will be used. If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Seattle but a lower
fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be
substituted for travel to Seattle.
Car rental fees are going up all the time, and are to be avoided. As a
substitute for these charges, we recommend car-sharing. Simply turn your issued
luminescent safety vest inside more...

How To Shower Like A Woman...
* Take off clothing and place it in sectional laundry hamper according
to lights and darks.
* Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see your
boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush
to the bathroom.
* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut
so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting
fat.
* Get in shower. Look for face-cloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
* Wash you hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.
* Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.
* Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced
with natural crocus oil. Leave on for 15 minutes.
* Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
until red and raw.
* Wash entire rest of body more...

Since at one time or another, I have seen idiots doing such things, I thought I might just as well make it easy for them and give them a list.
When your car is so old as to break down every mile or so, be sure to drive on bridges and narrow highways during peak rush hour traffic.
If your car breaks down while driving, stay in the middle of the road. Do not attempt to move to the shoulder.
When disabled in the road, leave your car door wide open.
If it is necessary to change your tire on a road shoulder, place the flat tire in the middle of the road and make traffic drive around it.
If your muffler system breaks, keep it broken as long as possible. Drive through residential neighborhoods at night as much as you can and rev the engine.
Drag your exhaust system on the ground when possible.
If your car leaks oil, and you visit friends or relatives, park in their driveway.
Never replace worn tires and drive fast on wet roads and slippery roads.
If you more...

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.

Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.

Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.

After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, its my face they would recognize."

Q. Do I have to be married to have safe fax?
A. Although married people fax quite often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.
Q. My parents say they never had fax when they were young and were allowed only to write memos to each other until they were twenty-one. How old do you think people should be before they fax?
A. Faxing can be performed at any age once the correct procedure is learned.
Q. If I fax something to myself will I go blind?
A. Certainly not, as far as we can see.
Q. There's a place on our street where you can go and pay to fax. Is this legal?
A. Yes. Many people have no other outlet for their fax needs and must pay a "professional" when their need to fax becomes too great.
Q. Should a cover always be used for faxing?
A. Unless you are really sure of the one to whom you are faxing, a cover should always be used to ensure safe fax.
Q. What happens when I incorrectly do the procedure and fax more...