Cover Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two GI's in the Vietnam war have been stuck in a trench for three days when one needs a shit."I can't go in here" he says" It's really going to stink""There's another trench over there" says the other."I'll cover you with the M60... just give me a shout andand i'll cover you so you can get back""OK" so the GI runs across while the other fires off themachine gun.He's waiting 10 minutes... 15... 20....he shouts out "Are you Ok?"... nothing.Over an hour later he hears his mate shouting."Cover me i'm coming back"When he jumps back in, his mate says "Where the fuck have you been? you've been gone for over an hour""Yeah, I know. There's a girl in there, I played with her tits, fondled her arse, turned her round and fucked her frombehind!""It was great!""You lucky Bastard" said the other "did you get a blow job?" "nah" said the other, disappointedly" she more...

Q. Do I have to be married to have safe fax?
A. Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.
Q. How do I go about faxing a complete stranger?
A. Just ask them if they want to fax. If they do, they will give you their phone number.
Q. My parents say they never had fax when they were young, and were only allowed to write memo's to each other until they were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they can fax?
A. Faxing can be performed at any age once you learn the correct procedure.
Q. If I fax something to myself will I go blind?
A. Certainly not. As far as we can see.
Q. There is a place on our street where you can go and pay to fax. Is this legal?
A. Yes, many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a "professional" when their needs become too great.
Q. Should a cover always be used for faxing?
A. Unless you are really sure of the one you more...

So you think you're computer-illiterate?
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labelled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the more...

1. Compaq is considering changing the instruction "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packed in.

3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.

4. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to FAX anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to FAX a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor's screen and pressing the "Send" key.

5. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find the more...

So you think you're computer-illiterate?
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labelled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the more...

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat. 4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. 6. Wash your hair again with cucumber and aloe vera shampoo with 83 added vitamins. 7. Condition your hair with cucumber and aloe vera conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw. 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least 15 minutes more...

COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE YOU HUMP
BEFORE YOU ATTACK HER, WRAP YOUR WACKER
DON'T BE SILLY... PROTECT YOUR WILLIE
BEFORE YOU BLAST HER, GUARD YOUR BUSHMASTER
DON'T BE A LONER... COVER YOUR BONER
WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD YOUR SPOUT
YOU CAN'T GO WRONG IF YOU SHIELD YOUR DONG
IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SACK IT, GO HOME AND WACK IT
IF YOU THINK SHE'S SPUNKY, COVER YOUR MONKEY
BEFORE YOU BAG HER, SHEATH YOUR DAGGER
IT'LL BE SWEETER IF YOU WRAP YOUR PETER
IF YOU SLIP BETWEEN THIGHS, BE SURE YOU CONDOMIZE
TO SAVE EMBARRASSMENT LATER, COVER YOUR 'GATOR'
SHE WON'T GET SICK IF YOU CAP YOUR DICK
IF YOU GO INTO HEAT, PACKAGE YOUR MEAT
WHILE YOU'RE UNDRESSING VENUS, DRESS UP THAT PENIS
WHEN YOU TAKE OFF HER PANTS N' BLOUSE, SUIT UP THAT TROUSER MOUSE
DON'T DO MORE THAN NECK HER WITH AN UNWRAPPED PECKER
ESPECIALLY IN DECEMBER, GIFT-WRAP YOUR MEMBER
BEFO' DA VAN START ROCKIN', BE SHO' YO' COCK GOTS A STOCKIN'
DON'T BE A FOOL, more...