Covering Jokes / Recent Jokes
Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse." "But Father, I have a divine right,"
she informs. "Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter *this* church!" he insists.
Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it.
A few moments later, the lady reappears, wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says,' Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse.'
'But Father, I have a divine right,' she informs.
'Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church!' he insists.
Billy-Bob and Peggy-Sue got married and had a baby every year or less. After having their 11th child, the couple told the doctor that they were going to stop having babies as soon as they could figure out what was causing them.
The doctor suggested to Billy-Bob that he try covering the organ before they made love.
Sure enough, it wasn't long before Peggy-Sue was pregnant again. The doctor asked Billy-Bob if he had tried covering his organ like he had suggested they do.
Billy-Bob replied, "We don't have an organ, Doc, but I did throw a blanket over the piano."
It has come to my attention recently that many people have been turning
in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive
Time" (code 5300). To our department, unproductive time isn't a problem.
What is a problem is not knowing exactly what people are doing during
their unproductive time.
I've attached a sheet specifying a tentative extended job list based on
my observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify
with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive
time. Please distribute this as necessary, and let me know about any
difficulties.
For your timesheets:
Job number Explanation
---
5300 Meeting
5300-100 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5300-200 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5310 Breaks
5310-100 Waiting for Break
5310-110 Buying Snack
5310-120 Eating Snack
5310-200 Waiting for Lunch
5310-210 more...
It has come to my attention recently that many people have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (code 5300). To our department, unproductive time isn't a problem.
What is a problem is not knowing exactly what people are doing during their unproductive time.
I've attached a sheet specifying a tentative extended job list based on my observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please distribute this as necessary, and let me know about any difficulties.
For your timesheets:
Job numberExplanation
5300Meeting
5300-100
Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5300-200
Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5310
Breaks5310-100
Waiting for Break
5310-110
Buying Snack
5310-120
Eating Snack
5310-200
Waiting for Lunch
5310-210
Ordering more...
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Irish Mike, this wouldnt be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?""That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball.""You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat."How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike."Well," mused Pat, "theres a lesson in this somewhere.""That there is," replied Irish Mike...." Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.
He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"
"That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball."
"You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat.
"How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike.
"Well," mused Pat, "there's a lesson in this somewhere."
"That there is," replied Irish Mike...."' Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."