Crab Jokes / Recent Jokes

A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. she noticed he was walking straight instead of sideways.'wow' she thought, this crab is really special. i cant let him get away. so they got married immediately. the next day, she noticed her new husband was walking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset."what happened??"she asked."you used to walk straight before we were married."
"oh, darling," he replied. "i cant drink that much every day."

A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away. So they got married immediately.

The next day she noticed her new husband walking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. "What happened?" she asked. "You used to walk straight before we were married."

"Oh, honey," he replied, "I can't drink that much every day."

A male crab and a female lobster are dating, but they are hiding it from their parents because of the obvious reason. Eventually the lobster gets tired of all the secrecy and she tells her father, who is furious and forbids her to see the crab again.

"But why can`t I see the crab again? We`re in love!" cries the lobster.
"Because," says the father, trying to search for a reasonable answer, "crabs walk sideways and we walk straight!"
"Please, father," she begs. "Just meet him once and I`m sure you will change your mind."
The father finally agrees to meet the crab and she runs our to tell him the good news.
The crab is so excited that he practices walking straight. He practices and practices until finally he can walk straight. He walks the entire way to the lobster`s house as straight as he can.
The father sees him coming and yells to his daughter, "Hey, here comes that crab and he`s drunk!"

Declan the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in Love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Declan in tears.
"We can't see each other anymore...." she sobbed.
"Why?" gasped Declan.
"Daddy says crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you, a mere crab, and a poor one at that, are the lowest class of crustacean... and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."
Declan was shattered, and scuttled sidewards away into the darkness and to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion. That night, the great Lobster Ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable.
Suddenly the doors burst open, and Declan the crab strode in. The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, more...

a met a guy with a big butt
his name is mini
and on that big butt
was a very big spot
and on that spot
was a very big hair
and on that hair
was a very big crab
and on that crab
was a very big nose
and on that nose was a very big snot
and on that snot was a very big
BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Declan the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in Love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Declan in tears.

"We can't see each other anymore...." she sobbed.

"Why?" gasped Declan.

"Daddy says crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you, a mere crab, and a poor one at that, are the lowest class of crustacean... and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."

Declan was shattered, and scuttled sidewards away into the darkness and to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion. That night, the great Lobster Ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable.

Suddenly the doors burst open, and Declan the crab strode in. The more...

A crab and an ant lost their homes. The crab says to the ant, "I'm going to find us a place to sleep tonight." They're walking and the crab sees a naked lady walking towards them. "Hey, ant. You see that lady? We're going to crawl up to her bush and go to sleep there tonight." Once up there, the crab say's to the ant, "You see that door? You go up there and sleep tonight and I'll sleep in her bush." That night when they were asleep the lady had a guy friend come over and they had sex.
That morning the ant say to the crab, "How did you sleep, Crab?"
The crab says, "Great. How did you sleep, Ant?"
"Well," the ant says "in that door you sent me at about two o'clock in the morning, someone stuck there fist in there and beat my ass. After that, they spit on me!"