Crash Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was once a Gujarati living in USA called Raju Patel, who was involved in a car accident.
At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to tell him what had happened to him.
"I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash."
"Car crash! My Porsche! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically.
"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries - you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it," she said apologetically.
"I lost my arm? My Rolex! My Rolex!"
"Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries.
You are in a very critical condition, but all your family are here to see you."
He asked for his family to be called in.
As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name. "Shilpa, are you here?"
"I am here husband, and I will never leave you."
"Dilip, are you more...

A man is driving down the road one day, is involved in a crash and dies. The next thing he knows he is standing in a hallway and he can tell that he is in hell. As he leans against the wall to weep over his plight satan walks up to him.
Satan asks, " What's wrong?"
The man says, "Well, the last thing I remember is driving down the road and getting in a crash, now here I am in hell right?"
Satan says, " Yeah, you're right, but hell gets a bad rap, would you like me to explain?"
"OK" the man says.
Satan asks, "Well you like sex don't you?"
"Yeah!" the man says.
Satan tells him "Monday is sex day here in hell. Hell is full of beautiful women and on monday you can have sex with any of them for as long as want, anyway that you want", satan says.
"That doesn't seem too bad", the man says.
Satan asks, "You like to drink don't you?"
The man says, more...

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain.
Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still a MENSA candidate. OK, relax, clear your
mind and. . . begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
The answer is bread. If you said "toast", then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread", go to question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with
reading something more more...

Q. why is womans kinckers like a car crash?
A. because theres blood at the front and skids at the back!

58 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists) 1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says 2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers 3. Saftey Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 4. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case 5. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents 6. Farmer Bill Dies In House 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 8. Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus? 9. Stud Tires Out 10. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope 11. Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over 12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again 13. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands 14. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms 15. Eye Drops Off Shelf 16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids 17. Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead 18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim 19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66 20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax 21. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told 22. Miners Refuse to Work After Death 23. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant 24. Stolen Painting Found By more...

I love a good joke and so here is my contribution to this
place. Here is one joke of many that I hope to stick up in the
Infolanka joke pages. I hope you like it.
Arjuna Kulatunga

You are one of a group of people on board an airplane. Suddenly the pilot enters the
cabin and says you are about to crash. Sadly there is only one parachute left.
Pessimist: You refuse the parachute because you might die in the jump anyway.
Optimist: You refuse the parachute because people have survived jumps like this
before.
Bureaucrat: You order a feasibility study on parachute usage in a multi engine aircraft
under code red conditions.
Internal Revenue Service: You confiscate the parachute along with the luggage,
wallets and gold filings.
Engineer: You make another parachute out of curtains and dental floss.
Mathematician: You refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in
all cases.
Philosopher: You more...

Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Teachers Strike Idle Kids
Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
War Dims Hope for more...