Crash Jokes / Recent Jokes
Twas the night before Y2K
and all through the house
we all were in hiding,
me, my kids, and my spouse.
The firewood piled
floor to ceiling with care
the cupboards all packed
with non-perishables to spare.
The windows were barred
to protect us from looters
our new generator is safe
`cause it has no computers.
We've bought lots of gold
should the dollar collapse
and run up those credit cards
right to the max
and just in case
the banks should all crash
we closed our account
and spent all the cash
on dried foods and water
for our Y2K stash.
As the clock ticked toward midnight
we knew we'd soon learn
the doomsayers were right
it would all crash and burn.
Stretched out in my chair
with my gun in my lap
I decided to take a pre-Y2K nap.
I fell fast asleep
and then, without warning
I opened my eyes
and it more...
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain.
Below is a very private way to gage your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still a MENSA candidate. OK, relax, clear your
mind and. . . begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
The answer is bread. If you said "toast", then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread", go to question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more more...
SYSTEM CRASH (to the tune of "The Monster Mash") I was working in the lab, late one nightWhen my eyes beheld an eerie sight, Some smoke from our VAX began to riseAnd suddenly, to my surprise... [chorus](There was a crash) There was a system crash(A mighty crash) I heard the disk heads smash(A system crash) It came down in a flash(There was a crash) A fatal system crash The lab manager then appeared from his room, Said: "I don't want to be a prophet of doom, But we had one like this just the other dayWhich blew up 4 megs and the SBA"[chorus] The system had just been booted, diagnosticshad all run through, When a power fluck made itall run amuck, then SCOTTY and IRVING blew tooSo we'd lost all our VAXes in less than one nightWhen a VP came in and said: "hey, that's all right, I'll loan you a Venus - here's what to doWhen you call up Support, tell them Gordon sent you...[chorus]
IF DR SEUSS WROTE AN EPISODE OF ER - -Kerry: Now Mark, I think this ER's great, But.. . there are problems that can't wait! Now Benton's fine, and Carter too, But Ross and Susan just won't do! Now who do you think that we should hire, Since both of them today I'll fire? Mark: Kerry, maybe we should wait and see.. . Kerry: That's great Mark! I knew you would agree.. . Jerry: Dr. Weaver? Sorry to interrupt.. . But the paramedics just pulled up. Mark: Ok, I'm here. What have you got? Shep: This little boy has just been shot! His pulse is faint, his breath is weak. We did all we could to stop the leak. Riley: And this woman here, she has a broken hip.. . Carol: How did she fall? How did she trip? Shep: The kid's mom was getting in my hair, So I shoved her--lightly--down some stairs. Mark: Benton, Kerry! Take the mom to three! Doug and Susan! Come with me! Riley: But wait, but wait! Oh don't you see? We've got some more; one, two, and three. Kerry: You've got three more? How can this be? more...
The Latest Report on Windows98: New Error Codes Assigned
Winerr 000 - Unexpected Intelligent User Detected; Please Reload Everything
Winerr 001 - Intimidation Failed; Attempting to Crash Repeatedly
Winerr 002 - Erroneous Error; No Error Occurred (Yet)
Winerr 003 - RAM Depleted; Annex Japan (Y/N)?
Winerr 004 - Deluxe Error. Please Send $75 to Upgrade Your Error
Winerr 005 - Long File Name Error; Tape Erased to Make Room for Filename
Winerr 006 - Insufficient RAM to Crash Properly; Attempting Fake Crash
Winerr 007 - Alphanumeric Sequence "OS2" Prohibited
Winerr 008 - This License Has Expired; Please Purchase Another Copy
Winerr 009 - Error Buffer Overflow; Too Many Errors
Winerr 00A - Non-Microsoft Application Encountered
Winerr 00B - Push Error; Removing Files to Make Room for Advertisement
Winerr 00C - Windows Loaded Correctly This Time
Winerr 00D - User Error; Lemming Not Found
Winerr 00E - Open Standard more...
The Latest Report on Windows98: New Error Codes Assigned
Winerr 000 - Unexpected Intelligent User Detected; Please Reload Everything Winerr 001 - Intimidation Failed; Attempting to Crash Repeatedly Winerr 002 - Erroneous Error; No Error Occurred (Yet) Winerr 003 - RAM Depleted; Annex Japan (Y/N)? Winerr 004 - Deluxe Error. Please Send $75 to Upgrade Your Error Winerr 005 - Long File Name Error; Tape Erased to Make Room for Filename Winerr 006 - Insufficient RAM to Crash Properly; Attempting Fake Crash Winerr 007 - Alphanumeric Sequence "OS2" Prohibited Winerr 008 - This License Has Expired; Please Purchase Another Copy Winerr 009 - Error Buffer Overflow; Too Many Errors Winerr 00A - Non-Microsoft Application Encountered Winerr 00B - Push Error; Removing Files to Make Room for Advertisement Winerr 00C - Windows Loaded Correctly This Time Winerr 00D - User Error; Lemming Not Found Winerr 00E - Open Standard Encountered; Attempting to Redmondize Winerr 00F - Reserved for more...
The Latest Report on Windows98: New Error Codes AssignedWinerr 000 - Unexpected Intelligent User Detected; Please Reload Everything Winerr 001 - Intimidation Failed; Attempting to Crash Repeatedly Winerr 002 - Erroneous Error; No Error Occurred (Yet) Winerr 003 - RAM Depleted; Annex Japan (Y/N)? Winerr 004 - Deluxe Error. Please Send $75 to Upgrade Your Error Winerr 005 - Long File Name Error; Tape Erased to Make Room for Filename Winerr 006 - Insufficient RAM to Crash Properly; Attempting Fake Crash Winerr 007 - Alphanumeric Sequence "OS2" Prohibited Winerr 008 - This License Has Expired; Please Purchase Another Copy Winerr 009 - Error Buffer Overflow; Too Many Errors Winerr 00A - Non-Microsoft Application Encountered Winerr 00B - Push Error; Removing Files to Make Room for Advertisement Winerr 00C - Windows Loaded Correctly This Time Winerr 00D - User Error; Lemming Not Found Winerr 00E - Open Standard Encountered; Attempting to Redmondize Winerr 00F - Reserved for Future more...