Crash Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Synopsis of the Microsoft Car At a recent computer expo (Comdex), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that get 100 miles to the gallon." Recently, General Motors addresses this comment by releasing this statement, "yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?" Below is a synopsis of the Microsoft Car: Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail, and you would have to re-install the engine. for some strange reason, you would accept this too. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to more...

As the stewardess was checking passengers before takeoff, she saw a man dressed in rock climbing equipment, she asked him, "Sir, why are you dressed so?" to which he replied, "In case of a crash in the mountains, i can climb to safty and help everyone." Further down the aicraft, she sees a man dressed in scuba equipment and she asks, "Sir, why are you dressed so?" to which he replied, " In case we crash over the sea, i can swim to safty and help all on board." A little further down the plain she sees a blond dying her pubic hair black. The stewardess asks, "Madam, what are you doing?" to which the blond replies, "Well when the aicraft crashes, the first thing they look for is the black box!!"

SYSTEM CRASH (to the tune of "The Monster Mash") I was working in the lab, late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight, Some smoke from our VAX began to rise And suddenly, to my surprise... [chorus] (There was a crash) There was a system crash (A mighty crash) I heard the disk heads smash (A system crash) It came down in a flash (There was a crash) A fatal system crash The lab manager then appeared from his room, Said: "I don`t want to be a prophet of doom, But we had one like this just the other day Which blew up 4 megs and the SBA" [chorus] The system had just been booted, diagnostics had all run through, When a power fluck made it all run amuck, then SCOTTY and IRVING blew too So we`d lost all our VAXes in less than one night When a VP came in and said: "hey, that`s all right, I`ll loan you a Venus - here`s what to do When you call up Support, tell them Gordon sent you... [chorus]

Dear Tech Support:
I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Sunday Football 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but de-install doesn't work on this program.
Can you please help!
Joe.
Dear Joe,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding.
Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 more...

Dear Tech Support:I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity.Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Sunday Football 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but de-install doesn't work on this program.Can you please help! Joe.Dear Joe, This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding.Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is more...

There are four people on a plane. Pilot, The Smartest Man in the World, a father, and a son.
The pilot does something wrong so the plane is about to crash. There are only 3 paracutes.
The pilot says "I need to survive this crash to go on piloting more planes." He grabs one and jumps off the plane.
The smartest man inthe world says " I need to survive this crash teaching people of my knowledge." He grabs one and jumps off.
The father says "Son you can have the last paracute I have lived longer than you and had more experience in life so go ahead."
The son says "Thats ok Dad the smart man took my backpack..."

Dear Tech Support: I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7. 0 to Wife 1. 0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1. 0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Boys Night Out 2. 5, and Golf 5. 3 no longer run and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Sunday Football 6. 3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7. 1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1. 0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7. 0 but de-install doesn't work on this program. Can you please help! Joe. Dear Joe, This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7. 0 to Wife 1. 0 thinking more...