Crawled Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly man was at home, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died.
He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies. With waning strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet.
As he grasped a warm, moist, chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.
"Why?" he whispered. "Why did you do that?"
"They're for the funeral."

There Was An Elderly Man At Home, Upstairs, Dying In Bed.
He Smelled The Aroma Of His Favourite Chocolate Chip Cookies Baking. He Wanted One Last Cookie Before He Died. He Fell Out Of Bed, Crawled To The Landing, Rolled Down The Stairs And Crawled Into The Kitchen Where His Wife Was Busily Baking Cookies.
With His Last Remaining Strength He Crawled To The Table And Was Just Barely Able To Lift His Withered Arm To The Cookie Sheet.
As He Grasped A Warm, Moist Chocolate Chip Cookie, His Favorite Kind, His Wife Suddenly Whacked His Hand With A Spatula.
Gasping For Breath, He Asked Her, "Why Did You Do That?"
"Those Are For The Funeral."

There was an elderly man at home, upstairs, dying in bed.
He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He
wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to
the
landing, rolled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his
wife
was busily baking cookies.
With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just
barely
able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a
warm,
moist chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly
whacked
his hand with a spatula.
Gasping for breath, he asked her, "Why did you do that?"
"Those are for the funeral."

Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand.

After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!"

Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said,' Should we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"

Sandy was drinking at a pub all night. When he got up to leave, he fell flat on his face. He tried to stand again, but to no avail, falling flat on his face. He decided to crawl outside and get some fresh air to see whether that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and, sure enough, fell flat on his face. So, being a practical Scot, he crawled all the way home.When he got to the door, he stood up yet again, but fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door into his bedroom. When he reached his bed, he tried once more to stand upright. This time he managed to pull himself to his feet but fell into bed. He was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.He woke the next morning to his wife shaking him and shouting, "So, ye've been oot drinkin' as usual!" "Why would ye say that?" he complained innocently."Because the pub called an' ye left yer wheelchair there again!"