Crawled Jokes

An elderly man was at home, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died.
He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies. With waning strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet.
As he grasped a warm, moist, chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.
"Why?" he whispered. "Why did you do that?"
"They're for the funeral."

There Was An Elderly Man At Home, Upstairs, Dying In Bed.
He Smelled The Aroma Of His Favourite Chocolate Chip Cookies Baking. He Wanted One Last Cookie Before He Died. He Fell Out Of Bed, Crawled To The Landing, Rolled Down The Stairs And Crawled Into The Kitchen Where His Wife Was Busily Baking Cookies.
With His Last Remaining Strength He Crawled To The Table And Was Just Barely Able To Lift His Withered Arm To The Cookie Sheet.
As He Grasped A Warm, Moist Chocolate Chip Cookie, His Favorite Kind, His Wife Suddenly Whacked His Hand With A Spatula.
Gasping For Breath, He Asked Her, "Why Did You Do That?"
"Those Are For The Funeral."

There was an elderly man at home, upstairs, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies. With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula. Gasping for breath, he asked her, “Why did you do that? ” “Those are for the funeral. ”

On the fourth night of their honeymoon, the blissful newlyweds turned off the lights and crawled under the covers.
Turning towards his bride, he tenderly informed her that tonight, for a change of pace, he wanted a hand job instead of the usual stuff. Being the proper girl that she was, she had no idea what a 'hand job' was.
She quickly got out of bed, put on her robe and headed for the phone to call her mother.
"Mom, he wants a hand job and I don't know what he means," she whispered.
"Oh, honey," her mother replied, "it's really quite simple. Just grab it and shake it like you're trying to get ketchup out of a bottle."
"Gee, Mom, that does sound easy enough. Thanks," she replied, hanging up the phone.
She then removed her robe and crawled back into bed. Snuggling up to her new husband, she grabbed his member firmly with one hand and began smacking the end of it with the other hand.

Two friends are out on a hunting trip. While Jeff has never been hunting before, Jim has hunted all his life. Jim instructs Jeff to sit by a tree and not make a sound while he goes to check out a deer stand.
He gets a fair distance from Jeff when he suddenly hears a blood-curdling scream. He races back to Jeff and shouts, "Didn't I tell you to keep quiet?"
"Hey, I tried," says a shaken Jeff. "I honestly did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't utter a sound. While that bear was breathing down my neck, I never made a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up the legs of my pants and said, 'Shall we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any longer!"