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A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"
Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here & it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever & who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are & will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam & he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And more...
Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software; severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5. 0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1. 0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7. 5, CruiseShip 2. 3, and OperaNight 6. 1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1. 3, SaturdayFootball 5. 0, Golf 2. 4 and ClutterEverywhere 4. 5. Conversation 8. 0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14. 1 or HouseCleaning 2. 6.
I've tried running Nagging 5. 3 to fix Husband 1. 0, but this is all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!
Dear Jane:
This is a very common problem women more...
A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world's first professional.
The doctor said, "It must have been a doctor. Who else could have helped with the world's first surgery of taking a rib from Adam to create Eve, the first woman?"
"No," said the rabbi.' 'It must have been a rabbi, since the Lord needed someone to help preach his message to Adam and the world."
"Wait," said the engineer, "The world was created in six days from nothing. Do you know what a master engineering feat that must have been to create the whole world into an orgnanized, civilized place from utter chaos?"
"Yes, but who created the chaos?" asked the lawyer...
THE LIFE OF A COMPUTER ANALYST (Long but VERY Funny!) Monday ------ 8: 05am User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password retrieval utility called FDISK. Blissfully ignorant, they thank me and hang up. God, we let these people vote and drive, too? 8: 12am Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports database. Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, "Well, it works for me." Let them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffeemaker from the UPS and plugged their server back in. Suggested they try it again. One more happy customer... 8: 14 am User from 8: 05 call said they received error message "Error accessing Drive 0." Told them it was an OS problem. Transferred them to microsupport. 11: 00 am Relatively quiet for last few hours. Decide to plug support phone back in so I can call my girlfriend. Says parents are coming into town this weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to janitorial closet down in basement. What is she more...
You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
Straighten it. Ignore it. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar- powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is "3" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."
SOCIAL SKILLS
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. "Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction: Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation Important social contacts A feeling of connectedness with other humans In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions: Get it over with as soon as possible Avoid getting invited to something more...
Why did God create a man before a women? You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.