Creep Jokes

The Franklin Factor:
Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys.

The Rat Race:
If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first.

The Eyeglass Prescription:
Don't wear your glasses on a blind date.
You'll look better, and he will too.

The Ring Rule:
A watched telephone never rings.

The Creep Call:
Never pick up the phone on Saturday night.
It's a call from a creep you told you were busy.

The Fishing Forecast:
They say there are lots of good fish in the sea.
But who wants to go out with a fish?

The Psychological Prognosis:
Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage.

The Rope Trick:
Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman.

Mind Over Matter:
No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party.

The Fault Finder:
The faster way to discover more...

Yo mama so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater. Yo mama so dirty she makes mud look clean. Yo mama so dirty that she was banned from a sewage facility because of sanitation worries! Yo mama so dirty that you can't tell where the dirt stops and she begins.

One beautiful, sunny, Sunday afternoon, a man was standing on the first tee at his country club. He had just pulled out his driver when a woman in a wedding dress came running up to him, yelling.
"You lousy creep!" she screamed in his face. "You lousy, no-good, rotten, stinking creep!"
"What's your problem, honey?" he calmly said. "I distinctly said... 'only if it rained'."

Girl Lingo:The Franklin Factor: Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys.The Rat Race: If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first.The Eyeglass Prescription: Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too.The Ring Rule: A watched telephone never rings.The Creep Call: Never pick up the phone on Saturday night. It's a call from a creep you told you were busy.The Fishing Forecast: They say there are lots of good fish in the sea. But who wants to go out with a fish? The Psychological Prognosis: Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage.The Rope Trick: Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman.Mind Over Matter: No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party.The Fault Finder: The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.The Unintended Result: 1) Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy; 1a) Men often go looking for sex more...

Lord, before I lay me down to sleep I pray for a man, who's not a creep;
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who thinks before he speaks, When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed, and when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door, massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end, and never attempt to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray to my bed, I look at the creep you sent me instead.
Amen.