Crime Jokes / Recent Jokes
Students... Take Note:
Knowledge is power...
But power corrupts...
And corruption is a crime...
And crime doesn't pay...
So if you keep on studying you'll go broke!
How do they prevent crime in hamburger country? With burger alarms!
Los Angeles: It is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a church (Breaking this law is punishable by a fine of $500 and/or six months in prison)(Dumb Laws - California)
Once again, Little Johnny was in trouble, but this time it was serious. He was charged with the rape of a grown woman, and although the crime appeared to be highly improbable, the state's evidence was overwhelming.
As a last desperate move, the defense attorney went over to the witness stand, pulled Little Johnny's pants down and grabbed hold of the boy's tiny penis for all to see.
Turning towards the jury box, the lawyer cried, "Ladies and gentlemen, surely you cannot believe that such a small, still undeveloped organ is sexually mature?" Growing more agitated, he continued, "How could this miniature member possibly be capable of even an erection, let alone the rape of a grown woman!"
"Careful!" Little Johnny yelped, "One more shake and you're going to lose the case!"
A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.
When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary increase and greater benefits.
His co-worker said to reconsider and that Chicago was a magnificent city, with world class museums, loaded with a great history, sites, close to Canada, good public transportation, etc.
Then he said: "Why I myself worked in Chicago for almost 10 years and in all that time I never ever had a problem with crime while I was working."
The first asked, "What did you do there?"
To which the other replied, "I was tail-gunner on a bread truck."
White Sox Jokes
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Sox fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Sox fans too. Not really knowing what a Sox more...
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner!"- Lynda Montgomery"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."- Johnny Carson"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."- Paul RodriguezAnd from George Carlin...If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed? If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter? If firefighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight? If you put a slinky on an escalator, would it go forever? If all babies are cute why are there so many ugly people in the world? What's another word for thesaurus? If you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy, would you get a rash of good luck? Who is more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him? When Dr. Kevorkian watches ER does he root against the more...
If someone leads but no one follows... are they just out for a walk?
Is it possible for someone to become addicted to therapy? And If so, how would you treat them?
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
Why is it that normal people are the ones you don't know?
Why is it that when our kids are naughty we ask "Do you want a spanking?" What are they going to say, "Yes please, may I have two?"...
Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts but have to put in your two cents worth?
May I refuse to inherit the earth?
Practice makes perfect, but if nobody's perfect, why practice?