Crime Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner!"
- Lynda Montgomery
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
- Johnny Carson
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
- Paul Rodriguez
And from George Carlin...
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed?
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If firefighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
If you put a slinky on an escalator, would it go forever?
If all babies are cute why are there so many ugly people in the world?
What's another word for thesaurus?
If you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy, would you get a rash of good luck?
Who is more foolish, the fool, or the fool who more...
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
(brace yourself)
(this is going to hurt.)
(really bad.)
"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Musee d'Orsay. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
No matter how much the government fights it, organized crime just seems to get
more organized every day. The police pulled in a Mob kingpin recently and reminded
him he had the right to make a phone call.
“Just fax the arrest report to my lawyer, ” the mobster said calmly.
You might be a redneck if there has ever been a crime scene tape across your bathroom door!