Crying Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was an english man an irish man and a jewish man and they all decided to go in a helicopter. While they were up in the sky the english man threw a dagger out of the door, the irish man threw a sword out of the door and the jewish man threw a bomb out of the door. When they landed the english man went home and found his dad sitting on the floor crying so he said "whats up dad?" and his dad said "a dagger has just fell from the sky and stabbed your mum."
Then the irish man went home and found his sister sitting on the floor crying so he said "whats up sis?" so she told him "a sword fell from the sky and stabbed mum and dad." Then the Jewish man went home and found his dad lying on the couch crying with laughter so he said "whats so funny pop?" so his dad replied " i've just farted an next doors house blew up!"

There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying.""No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

A guy was walking along the beach admiring the beautiful sunset when he noticed a young lady laying in the sand, she had no arms and no legs and was crying.
He goes over and asked what was wrong. She said, "I am 21 years old, I have no legs and no arms and I have never been kissed".
So, he bends down and kisses her and she stops crying. He gets up to walk away and she starts to cry again.
Again, he asks her what is wrong.
She says, "I am 21 years old, I have no arms and no legs and I have never been screwed."
So, he goes over to her, picks her up and throws her in the water, and says - "there, now you're screwed"!

A guy was walking along the beach admiring the beautiful sunset when he noticed a young lady laying in the sand, she had no arms and no legs and was crying.He goes over and asked what was wrong. She said, "I am 21 years old, I have no legs and no arms and I have never been kissed".So, he bends down and kisses her and she stops crying. He gets up to walk away and she starts to cry again. Again, he asks her what is wrong.She says, "I am 21 years old, I have no arms and no legs and I have never been screwed."So, he goes over to her, picks her up and throws her in the water, and says - "there, now you're screwed"!

When I went to lunch today, I noticed this lady about 75-80 years old sitting on a bench near the food court and she was sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground, brewed coffee."
I said: "Well, then why are you crying?" She said: "he makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me half the afternoon."
I said: "Well so why are you crying?"
She said: "For Dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite desert and then makes love to me until 2:00am."
I said: "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said: "BECAUSE I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!"

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on Christmas, their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken," answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing more...

There was a blonde that lived next to a brunette. One day, the blonde was crying so the brunette went over and asked what was wrong. The blonde said, "My mom just died." So the brunette comforted her all day.
The next day the blonde was crying again, so the brunette went over and asked, "Whats wrong now" the blonde said "My sister just called... Her mom died too."