Crying Jokes / Recent Jokes

there were three guys in an airplane:a japanese, a chinese, and an american guy.The japanese guy jumps off and flicks up a penny.He goes into the little kids house and says little hid why r u crying, the little kid told him something coppery came down and hit my dad on the head and knocked him out.Then the chinese guy jumps off and flicks up a nickle, he goes in the little kids house and says little kid y r u crying, the little kid says something silvery fell on my moms head and knocked her out.Then the american guy jumps off and flicks up a grenade, he goes in the little kids house and says little kid y r u laughing the little kid says my granma farted and blew up the next door neighbors house.

My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children:
The First Time the Child Fell and Got a Cut
First child: My wife and I frantically ran over to the child. We swept him up and rushed him to the emergency room. No stitches were needed but we spent the night with him in his room just in case the bleeding started again.
Second child: We walked over to her, picked her up and quickly bandaged her up. We spent the next two hours rocking her in the living room to comfort the pain.
Third child: I told my wife that if he was still crying in a couple of minutes, we should go over and make sure he isn't hurt too badly. When he didn't stop crying, we bandaged up the cut and laid him in his bed for a while but we went on about our business.
Fourth child: Put a bandage on the cut and told him it'd get better after he stopped crying.

Henry Abel's son, David, burst into the house, crying like everything. His Mama asked him what the problem was. "Pop and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away." "Now come on, David," his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have laughed." "That's what I did, Mama."

one guy walks in to a bar sees a crying donkey sitting on a pot of gold and he asks the bartender whats up with the gold? The bartender said if you can get the donkey to shut up the gold is yours.
The guy says ok, and he walks over to the donkey and whispers something in the donkeys ear the donkeys cracks up laughing so the guy gets the pot of gold.
A week later he walks into the bar and sees the donkey still laughing sitting on another pot of gold he asks the the bartender was up with the gold the bar tender said if you can get the donkey to shut up, I'll give you the gold.
The guy says ok but ill have to take him out side the bartender says ok then the guy takes the donkey out side for a min walks back in 5 min later and the donkys crying again the bartender asks how in the hell did you do that the guy says to make him laugh I said my dick was bigger than his, and to make him cry I showed him.

There were three guys on a plane. The first guy just ate an apple and decided to throw it out of the plane. So he threw it out just before they landed. When they landed they saw a little girl crying. They asked her what was wrong. She said, "I was just sitting here playing when an apple fell out of the sky and hit me in the head."
They said, "That sucks"
Then they took off again and the second guy threw a orange out of the plane. When they landed there was a another little girl crying. They asked her what was wrong and she said the same thing as the other girl except that an orange hit her in the head.
So they took off again and just before they landed the third guy threw a bomb off of the plane. When they landed they saw Banta laughing.
So they asked Banta, "Why are you laughing, what's so funny?"
Banta said, "I farted and my house blew up."

A guy walks into a bar with a sad look on his face. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "What`s the matter?"
The guy replies, "well I`ve got these two horses, and you see... I can`t tell them apart. I don`t know if I`m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right food."

The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of something that he can do. "Why don`t you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"
The man stops crying and says, "That sounds like a good idea, I think I`ll try it."

A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What`s the matter now?" the bartender asks.
The guy, sobbing, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can`t tell them apart again!" The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "Why don`t you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not more...

There were 3 guys in a plane. The plane was about to crash.
They each had to throw one item out:

The 1st guy threw out an apple.
The 2nd one threw out a bannana.
The 3rd one threw out a bomb.

There were 3 guys below them. 2 were crying, 1 was laughing.
A guy went up to the 1st one and asked, "Why are you crying?"
He answered, "an Apple hit me on the head.

He went up to the 2nd one and asked, "Why are you crying?"
He answered, "a Bannana hit me on the head."

He went up to the 3rd one and asked, "Why are you laughing?"
He answered, "I farted and my house blew up!"