Crying Jokes / Recent Jokes

There is this girl with no arm and no legs sitting on the beach. A guy walked by and she started crying. The guy asked why are you crying she said I have never been kissed before so the guy kisses her. She starts crying again. The guy asked why are you crying she said I have never been screwed before. So the guy picked her up and threw her in the water and said now your screwed.

A rabbi, burdened by the importance of his work, went into the synagogue to pray. Falling to his knees, he lamented, "O Lord, I am nothing! I am nothing!"
Just then a Jewish judge passed by and overhearing the prayer was moved to join the rabbi on his knees. Shortly, he too, was crying aloud, "O Lord, I too am nothing! I am nothing!"
The janitor of the temple, awed by the sight of the two men praying joined them, crying, "O Lord, I also am nothing! I am nothing!"
At this, the judge nudged the rabbi and said, "Now look who thinks he's nothing!"

A young man was walking through the park when he noticed an old man sitting on a bench, sobbing. He approached the old man and asked what was wrong.
"I'm 89 years old and I'm in love with a 25 year old woman," the old man sobbed.
"That doesn't sound like something to be crying about," the young man replied.
"You just couldn't understand," the old man said between the sobs and the sniffles. "Each morning before she heads out to work, we make passionate love. She comes home at lunchtime, we make love again and then she fixes me my favorite meal. When she gets a break in the afternoon, she rushes home and we have the best sex an old man could ever want. Then, at dinner time and all through the night, we make love."
"I still don't understand," said the young man. "It sounds like the perfect relationship to me. Why are you crying?"
Still sobbing, the old man replied through his tears, "I can't remember more...

I'm not sure I'm using this right, but if I am, here's a whole bunch
of viola jokes.
What's the difference between a viola and a violin?
A violin burns faster.
Why is a violist like a terrorist?
They both ** up bowings.
What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathizers.
What's the difference between a violist and a dressmaker?
A dressmaker tucks up frills.
What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and
a smoking crater where his house used to be. The chief of police comes over
to him and tells him, "While you were out, the conductor came to your house,
killed your family, and burned it down." The violist replied, "You're
kidding! The conductor came to my house?"
A violist is sitting in the front row, crying hysterically. The more...

This is another story about little Siripala.
One day, after school, at home, Siripala started crying without any reason. His mother, trying to console him, asked why he is crying. He said that he wants to go to his teacher's (She was a pretty female teacher) house and stay overnight there to get extra tuition. The poor mother, who was overjoyed with her son's studiousness, took him to the teacher's house and
let the teacher know his desires. The young teacher was also happy and straight away agrees with them and asked Siripala to stay with her.
In the night, after a very brief study session, Siripala wanted to go to bed. Then the teacher arranged a room for him and asked him to sleep. Siripala started crying. Teacher asked why and Siripala said that at home he sleeps with his mother and he can't sleep along. Teacher was sympathetic and asked him to sleep in her room, on the floor.
After a while, he again started crying. Teacher asked why and he said he is scared to more...

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
To which the blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day. We aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly states, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it, and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual, "If you need anything, just let me know."
Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying.
He rushes out to her asking, "What's so bad now? Are you going be OK?"
"No!" more...

William: May I have some money for the man crying outside?
Mum: What crying man?
William: The one that's crying,