Cue Jokes / Recent Jokes

The South Takes a Cue from Oakland Everyone is familiar with the plan to teach Ebonics in such leftist enclaves as California andMassachusetts. "Ebonics," a neologism created by combining "Ebony" and "phonics," is supposed to be the language of the untermenschen, the urban underclass. Here in the South, we have a similar movement, called "Bubbonics!" Created from mixing "Bubba"and "phonics," we too have an entirely separate language from English. Like Ebonics, Bubbonics has a slightly different alphabet and different pronunciations from standard English. For example, the English language includes the letter "L" although Bubbonics does not. Likewise, vowel pronunciation in Bubbonics is different from English pronunciation. Take, for example, the following sentences in English, and their translation into Bubbonics: Can I help you? Kin ah hip ewe? Hi, I'm Don Fowler. Hah, ahm Dahn Fah-wah. The discerning English more...

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry.

I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar more...

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone’s amazement, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey did? ”
The guy says, “No, what? ”
“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole! ”
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, ” replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I’ll pay for everything. ”
The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later, he’s in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, more...

A man walked into a bar with his pet monkey. The bartender said, "You can't bring that monkey in here!" The man said, "Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble."
Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball. The bartender yelled, "Hey, he just ate my cue ball. No one can play pool anymore! Get out!"
The man left but came back one week later with his monkey. He apologized to the bartender and promised no more trouble. The bartender let him and the monkey stay.
Later that night, the monkey walked over to a bowl of grapes, put one in his ass, and then ate it. The bartender said, "That's disgusting! Why did he do that!"
The man said, "Since he swallowed the cue ball, he sizes everything up before he eats it."

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, more...

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and
while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps
up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth
and swallows it whole.
The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your
monkey just did?"
"No. What did that stupid shit do this time?", says the patron.
"Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole",
says the bartender.
"Yeah, well I hope it kills the little fucker because he's been driving
me nuts", says the patron.
The guy finishes his drink and leaves. Two weeks later he comes
back in with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts
running wild around the bar again. While the man is drinking his
drink, the monkey finds a grape on the bar.
He grabs the grape, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it.
The more...

8. The most powerful force in the universe is Andrew Lloyd Webber.
9. The one thing that unites all non-musicians, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, they all have below-average musical taste.
10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your musical talent. That time is age 11.
11. There is a very fine line between "arranging" and "mental illness."
12. People who want you to listen to their music almost never want to listen to yours.
13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer that generates music for television dramas. When TV composers need a new dramatic cue, they turn on this computer; after sorting through millions of possible musical themes, it spits out, "ONE LONG LOW SCARY NOTE ON A SYNTHESIZER, " and this becomes the cue. The next time they need a cue, the computer spits out, "TWO more...