Cup Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two guys are walking down the street and one is telling the other how he hates Italians, but when they turn the corner there is an Italian organ grinder with a little monkey holding a tin cup.

The guy who hates Italians puts some coins in the monkey's cup.

When they walk away his friend says, "I thought you hated Italians, yet you gave him money?"

And he answers, "Yes, but they are so cute when they're little."

Where do spiders play their FA Cup final? Webley stadium!

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonalds. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didnt have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh no. Weve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50." The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "Its his turn with the teeth."

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at
McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and
an extra drink cup. As he watched, the older gentleman
carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out
the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of
them.

Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the
extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man
then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands
folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to
purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to
split theirs.

The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50
years, and everything has always been and will always be
shared, 50/50."

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat,
and she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn with the teeth.

IT HURTS... BUT IT'S TRUE.....
>------------------------------
>Q. Who is the best Sri Lankan batsman on the current tour?
>A. Muttiah Muralitharan
>
>Q. What is the height of optimism?
>A. A Sri Lankan batsman putting on sunscreen.
>
>Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was Sri Lankan?
>A. An all-rounder.
>
>Q. What is the main function of the Sri Lankan coach?
>A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.
>
>Q. Why is Upul Chandana the unluckiest bowler on tour?
>A. Because he was born in Sri Lanka.
>
>Q. What's the Sri Lankan version of a hat-trick?
>A. Three runs in three balls.
>
>Q. What's the Sri Lankan version of a maiden over?
>A. Sarita Rajendran now De Silva (Aravinda's wife).
>
>Q. When does the ball travel at its fastest in this world cup?
>A. An Eric Upashantha delivery flying towards the boundary.
>
>Q. Why don't Sri Lankan more...

Mom’s Brownies Recipe
Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr “no, no. ”
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat’s tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.
Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased 9×13-inch pan.
Bake 25 minutes.
Rescue cat and take razor away from more...

South Korea is gearing up for the World Cup by giving its toilets an urgent makeover. Officials are thinking big about the smallest room, lavishing expensive decor on lavatories and designing' themed' toilets in a bid to win the title of "Finest Rest Room in Seoul". Korea's "outhouse experience" has long been panned by visiting Westerners.

But the country has now launched the Rest Room movement and is determined visitors will be bowled over by the standard of its lavatories during World Cup 2002. Art shows have even been thrown in lavs, and there is now a guided tour of the city's top 50 conveniences. One top toilet is said to have an "urbane image of high class", with dressing tables, aromatic toilet paper and hair dryers.

Another has an art show, while a government-run loo is designed with a medieval theme and a "castle motif". Plants, colored lighting, ultra-high ceilings, cigarette machines and heavy steel ashtrays are more...