Cure Jokes / Recent Jokes
Doctor, Doctor. Have you got anything that will cure fleas? Maybe, what made them sick?
Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have certain medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.
Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label - he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.
Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving of pork brains has 1,170 percent of our recommended daily cholesterol intake. All the more...
A patient suffering from a nasty cold visited Dr. D'costa and said, groaning, "Doctor, can you cure my terrible cold? It has made things hell for me for the last four or five days."
Having never read about any confirmed cure for common cold, the young, over-zealous doctor advised after much initial hesitation, "You may do one thing. Take a hot bath and stand beneath a fan."
"Stand beneath a fan!" perplexed by the strange instruction, the patient asked, "Will your method cure me, doctor?"
"I can't say so for sure," replied Dr. D'costa, with his spectacles resting on his nose, "but if you do as directed, you are certain to get pneumonia which I can cure for sure!"
Doctor how can I cure my sleep walking? Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor!
The Eight Worst Convenience FoodsAnd I thought nothing could top Hormel's pickled eggs. .. 8. Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease. 7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label -- he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered. 6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving more...
"Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming." I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, "All more...
Recently, The Washington Post asked its readers to come up with the names of new medications. Below are some of our favorite entries:
*Milk of Amnesia
*Sexcedrin: What to give someone who says, "Not tonight, dear, I have a headache."
*Darva-on: Induces vomiting.
*Oil of Oy Vey
*Ibuprofane: Helps people stop cussing.
*Katopectate: A treatment for goldbrickers.
*Hista- la-vista: Say bye- bye to your allergies.
*Pepsid: Cure for addiction to Coke.
*Klepto-Bismol: A cure for the compulsion to steal.
*No D'ohs: Combats Homer Simpson- level stupidity.
*Herbal Hoover: Taken off the market because it was found to cause depression.
*Testosteroni: Hormonal supplement in pasta form.
*Buffyrin: Drug to finally kill the undead.