Cussing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Edna hears the car drive up, then a loud clatter as it hits the garbage cans. Car door slams, some cussing, then the garage door opens, slams. Suddenly more crashing and clattering and cussing, then Pete enters the house with his golf clubs, cussing and scowling.
"What's wrong, dear? Did you have a bad day on the golf course?" Edna asked.
"Yeah, what a rotten day! What a lousy round of golf! Pete groaned. "I only hit two good balls all day, and I wouldn't have hit them if I hadn't stepped on the rake in the garage!"

The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and gets pissed off. She goes bitching to Little Johnny's father. She comes toLittle Johnny's house and sees Little Johnny fucking a goatin the front yard. She walks in the house and screams to his father "Your son! Your son! He cussed in the school and now.... now he's beingcarnal with a goat in the front yard!" Little Johnny's father goes running out the door yelling,"Son of a bitch! Today is my turn!"

Old Enough To Start Cussing
Two brothers were getting dressed for school. The older one says,"I think I'm
old enough to start cussing."
Younger one, "Me too. Whatcha gonna say?"
Older boy,"Dad says' damn' a lot, so that's what I'll say."
Younger boy, "I'm gonna say' betchyer ass', Dad says that all the time.
They go down for breakfast, sit at the table. Mom comes in, says to the older
one,"What would you like for breakfast dear?"
He replies, "Gimme a damn bowl of Fruit Loops."
Mom knocks older son off his chair, turns to younger one,"And what would YOU
like for breakfast?"
Younger son, "Betcher ass I don't want Fruit Loops!"

A guy is walking along the railway track when suddenly he got his foot caught stuck in the tracks. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck in there well.
He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming. He panicked and started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking!"
Nothing happened, it was still stuck, and the train was getting closer!
He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking AND cussing!"
Still nothing. .... and the train was just seconds away!
He tried it one more time, "God please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit drinking, cussing, smoking and having sex with all the women I meet."
Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he was able to dive out of the way, just as the train passed!
He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said, "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."

A guy is walking along when suddenly he got his foot caught stuck in some railroad tracks. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck in there well. He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming. He panicked and started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking!"
Nothing happened, it was still stuck, and the train was getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking AND cussing!"
Still nothing... and the train was just seconds away! He tried it one more time, "God please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit drinking, cussing, smoking and having sex with all the women I meet."
Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he was able to dive out of the way, just as the train passed! He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."