Customer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Customer: There's something wrong with my hot dogs. Waiter: Sorry, I'm a waiter, not a veterinarian.

A man in a bar has a couple of beers and the bartender tells him he owes $4.' 'But I paid, don't you remember?'' says the customer.' 'Okay,'' says the bartender,' 'if you said you paid, you did.'' The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid. The second man then ruses in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt. The barkeep replies,' 'If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it.'' Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.

The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs when suddenly, the bartender leans over and says,' 'You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose.''' 'Don't bother me with your troubles,'' the final patron responds.' 'Just give me my change and I'll be more...

Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers.
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."
Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it.
Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."
Tech Support: "I more...

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write' click' and I wrote' click'."

(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)

Tech Support: "Ok, did you type' click' with the keyboard?"

Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

Customer: This fish isn't as good as what I ordered here last month. Waiter: That's funny. It's from the same fish.

The Technologically Challenged Just in case you think YOU are TC (technologically challenged), there'sstill hope:1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old (5-1/4") diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.5. A Dell more...

This hit man decided he needed a new scope for his sniper. So he heads to this new shop that had just opened up and walks in. He introduces himself to the owner and tells him he has $20000 to spend on a new scope. The owner says "well i have this new one that just got in, it can see ages away. If you look through that window there you can see my house on that hill. "So the customer looks through the scope at the house.The owner asks "well what d'ya see?" the customer looks at him wryly and says "i can a man and a women running around naked" the owner reaches behind his counter and pulls out 2 bullets and says "if you take these 2 bullets and blow my wife's head off and that milk man's dick off i'll give you the scope for free" so the customer loads the bullets and looks through the scope and says "ya know what? i reckon i can do that in one shot."