Dangerous Jokes / Recent Jokes

Employee Name _______________ Date of Review __________________
KNOWLEDGE:
1. ____ The son of a bitch really knows his shit
2. ____ Knows only enough to be dangerous
3. ____ Only half a brain and is dangerous
4. ____ Brain damaged. His coffee cup has higher I. Q.
ACCURACY:
1. ____ Does excellent work is not preoccupied with women
2. ____ Pretty good; only occasionally blows it out his ass
3. ____ Has to take his shoes off to count higher than ten
4. ____ Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice
ATTITUDE:
1. ____ Extremely cooperative (Kisses ass frequently)
2. ____ Brown noser in poor standing
3. ____ Often pisses off co-workers; thinks it's his job
4. ____ Doesn't give a shit, never did, never will
RELIABILITY:
1. ____ Really a dependable little cocksucker
2. ____ Can rely on him at evaluation time
3. ____ Can rely on him to be the first one out the fucking door
4. ____ more...

Q: Whats black and dangerous and lives in a tree? A: A gorilla with a machine gun.

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
If the enemy is within range, so are you.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren’t.
Things that must work together, can’t be carried to the field that way.
Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won’t be able to get out.
Tracers work both ways.
If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you more...

If you see a message on the boards with a subject line of "BADTIMES", delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it.
This is the most dangerous virus yet. It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer (20' range at 72 Fahrenheit). It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play. It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother's number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear 1940's more...

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.

Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!

Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."

Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.
An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
Practice economy at ANY cost.