Darling Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man comes in from work one day to find his newlywed wife sitting, looking very troubled.
“Whatever is the matter darling? ” he asks
“Oh dear, I don’t know how you are going to take this. ” she says, “but, well, you know how we have just got used to hearing two pairs of feet in this house. ”
“Ye-es. ” says her husband
“Well, what if I told you we could soon be hearing three pairs of feet? Would that make you happy? ”
The man jumps up delighted, “Oh of course my darling, of course! Oh this is wonderful news, so soon after our wedding too! ”
“Oh I am so glad” she exclaims and pecks him on the nose, “And so will mother be, when she hears you don’t mind her coming to stay with us! ”
Dearest Darling Son and That Person You Married,
Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry about poor old me. I'm just fine considering I can't breathe, or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your lonely ailing mother.
I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my Grandchildren. Lord knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies. But then, I guess you two do save a lot of money shopping for their clothes at the Salvation Army surplus stores and all.
Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me - we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral, so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you, but I know that woman you live with would never let you more...
Dearest Darling Son and That Person You Married, Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry about poor old me. I'm just fine considering I can't breathe, or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your lonely ailing mother.I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my Grandchildren. Lord knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies. But then, I guess you two do save a lot of money shopping for their clothes at the Salvation Army surplus stores and all.Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me - we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral, so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you, but I know that woman you live with would never let you come. Why, I bet more...
The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?"
"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."
The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even more...
English Teacher: Ramu! U Should Tell Me Four New English Words Tomorrow. Ramu: Ok Mam. While Going Home He Listens To Following Words - Shut Up, Wonderful Shot, Come My Darling, Ladies First Gents Next. Next Day... Teacher: Ramu, Tell The New Words. Ramu: Shut Up!! Teacher Slaps Him.. Ramu: Wonderful Shot!! Teacher: I Will Complain To The Head Madam. Ramu: Come My Darling! ! Teacher Takes Him And Tells Everything To The Madam. Madam: Ramu, Take Off Ur Clothes. Ramu: Ladies First Gents Next.
Frank came into his wife's room one day. "If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me?" he asked her.
"Darling, I'll always love you," she said calmly, filing her nails.
"How about if I became crippled and couldn't make love to you any more?" he asked nervously.
"Don't worry, darling, I'll always love you," she told him, buffing her nails.
"Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?" Frank went on, "if I weren't pulling in six figures any more. Would you still love me then?"
The woman looked over at her husband's worried face. "Frank, I'll always love you," she reassured him, "but most of all, I'll really miss you."
A newly married man arrived home from work to find his young wife in tears.
"Darling, what's wrong?" asked the worried husband.
"Sweetheart," the wife sobbed, "something horrible has happened. I just cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you."
"I don't understand, darling," the husband said. "Why would that have you so upset?"
"I had taken it out of the oven to season it and the phone rang," explained his sobbing wife. "When I came back from answering the phone, I found that the dog had eaten it!"
"Don't cry, honey," the husband said in a comforting tone, "I promise you that first thing tomorrow morning, I'll buy you a new dog."