Darling Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little old woman called Mount Sinai Hospital. She said, "Mount Sinai Hospital? Hello. Darling, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don't want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse, I want all the information from top to bottom, from A to Z."The voice on the other end of the line said, "Would you hold the line, please, that's a very unusual request?"Then a very authoritative voice came on and said, "Are you the lady who is calling about one of the patients?"She said, "Yes, darling! I'd like to know the information about Sarah Finkel, in room 302."He said, "Finkel. Finkel. Let me see. Feinberg, Farber - Finkel. Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her doctor says if she continues improving as she is, he is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o'clock."The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! She's going home more...

Isaac and Sarah got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, Sarah immediately telephoned her mother Leah. "Well," said Leah, "how was the honeymoon,darling?" "Oh mom," Sarah replied, "the honeymoon was fantastic. It was so romantic, and. .and..." Then Sarah started to cry. "Oh mom, as soon as we got back, Isaac started using terrible language. He said things I'd never hoped to hear, all those 4-letter words. Please mom, get into your car now and come and take me home." "Calm down, darling," said Leah, "tell your mother what could be that awful. Don't be shy, tell me what 4-letter words Isaac used." "Please mom, I'm too embarrassed to tell you, they're terrible words. Just come and take me away." said Sarah. "But bubeleh, you must tell me, you must tell me what the 4-letter words were."
Still crying, Sarah replies, "Oh mom, he used words like WASH, COOK, IRON, DUST,. more...

My darling wife
Sidney Cohen was thinking about how good his wife had been to him, and how fortunate he was to have her.
He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind hearted?"
The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her so good looking?"
"So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her such a good cook?"
"So you could love her, my son."
Sidney thought about this. Then he said, "I don`t mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but why did you make her so stupid?"
"So she could love you, my son."

A little blond girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! It's good, innit?"

"Yes darling, very good."

"Is that because I'm blond?"

"Yes darling, it's because you're blond."

Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K! It's good "innit?"

"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blond, mummy?"

"Yes darling it's because you're blond.

Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her more...

Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married:
Merry Christmas to you and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering that I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.
Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me - we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my hemorrhoid surgery, has she?
Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my more...

A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was onthe run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he foundin the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and hiswife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started tomove her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room. The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife andhissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasnt seen awoman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just goalong with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do dontfight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!""Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "Im so relieved youfeel that way. He wasnt kissing me, he was whispering to me. He toldme he thinks youre really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline inthe bathroom."

December 14

My dearest darling John:

Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.

My love always,

Agnes

========================================================

December 15

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

All my love,

Agnes

=========================================================

December 16

Dear John:

Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.

All my more...