Darwin Awards Jokes / Recent Jokes
(22 March 1999, Phnom Penh)
Decades of armed strife has littered Cambodia with unexploded munitions and ordnance. Authorities warn citizens not to tamper with the devices.
Three friends recently spent an evening sharing drinks and exchanging insults at a local cafe in the southeastern province of Svay Rieng. Their companionable arguing continued for hours, until one man pulled out a 25-year-old unexploded anti-tank mine found in his backyard.
He tossed it under the table, and the three men began playing Russian roulette, each tossing down a drink and then stamping on the mine. The other villagers fled in terror. Minutes later, the explosive detonated with a tremendous boom, killing the three men in the bar.
"Their wives could not even find their flesh because the blast destroyed everything," the Rasmei Kampuchea newspaper reported.
(1991, Nicosia, Cypress)
An Iranian hunter was shot to death near Tehran by a snake that coiled around his shotgun as he pinned the reptile to the ground. Another hunter reported that that the victim, named Ali, tried to catch the snake alive by pressing the butt of his shotgun behind its head.
The snake coiled around the butt and pulled the trigger, shooting Ali in the head.
(16 July 1999, Utah)
A paraglider from Riverton turned into a parasailor, and dropped into the Murdoch Canal near Lehi in Utah County on Monday evening.
Craig's parachute filled with water, and he was unable to escape as he was dragged towards a siphon on the east side of the canal, sucked under the I-15 freeway, and eventually pinned against a grate 400 feet downstream.
An employee for the Provo Water Users Association found his body. Who knew that one of the dangers of paragliding is drowning?
Three young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the upcoming Fourth of July holiday and wanted to apparently test fire some fireworks.
Their only real problem was that their launch pad and seating arrangements were atop a several hundred thousand gallon fuel distillation storage tank. Oddly enough, some fumes were ignited, producing a fireball seen for miles.
They were launched several hundred feet into the air and were found dead 250 yards from their respective seats.
A lawyer and two buddies were fishing on Caddo Lake in Texas when a lightning storm hit the lake. Most of the other boats immediately headed for the shore, but not our friend the lawyer.
On the rear of his aluminum bass boat with his buddies, this individual stood up, spread his arms wide (crucifixion style) and shouted: "HERE I AM LORD, LET ME HAVE IT!"
Needless to say, God delivered. The other two passengers on the boat survived the lightning strike with minor burns.
(May 1999, Thailand) A man known for his snake catching and charming skills was called to a neighbor's home. They needed an emergency exorcism of a python, which had invaded their dwelling. Hie, 55, rushed into the house in the northern provoke of Uttaradit, and emerged victorious with the snake held aloft in a burlap sack.
He was walking home with the snake, when villagers ran into him and asked to see the python. He pulled the snake from the sack and boldly wrapped it around his neck. The wild python, a five-foot-long coil of solid muscle, constricted around him and began to strangle him.
He screamed for help vainly, for the petrified villagers were afraid to approach the serpent. Within minutes, Hie fell to the ground dead. Local policemen forcibly unwrapped the snake from his neck and placed it in captivity.
A police officer in Ohio responded to a call that was made to 911. She had no details before arriving except that someone was reporting that his father was not breathing.
Upon arrival, the officer found this man face down on the couch, naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR if necessary she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and removed the man (who was and still is dead) the police made a closer inspection of the couch and noticed that the man had made a hole between the cushions.
After flipping the couch over they discovered what caused his death. Apparently the man would put his penis between the cushions, down into the hole and between 2 ELECTRIC SANDERS (with out the sand paper obviously).
According to the story, after he had his orgasm the, ahem, discharge shorted out the sander electrocuting him to death.