Darwin Awards Jokes / Recent Jokes
The switch away from daylight savings time caused consternation among terrorist groups this year.
At precisely 5: 30 Israel time on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs.
A closer look revealed the truth behind the untimely explosions. Three days before, Israel had made a premature switch from daylight savings time to standard time in order to accommodate a week of Slihot, involving pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to "live on Zionist time." Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued.
The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set on Daylight Savings time. The confused drivers had already switched to standard time. As a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering to the terrorists their well-deserved demise.
(15 July 1999, Alabama)
A 25-year-old soldier died of injuries sustained from a 3-story fall, precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy.
His plan was to hurl himself towards a metal guardrail while expectorating, in order to add momentum to his saliva. In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum carried him right over the railing, which he caught hold of for a few moments before his grip slipped, sending him plummeting 24 feet to the cement below.
The military specialist had a blood alcohol content of 0. 14%, impairing his judgment and paving the way for his opportunity to win a Darwin Award.
Here's a late entry for the Darwin Awards - an award generally given out posthumously for the most stupid way to die. It is possibly the grossest and most disgusting nomination I have ever read. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
A pre-med student from the University of Arizona was hoping to core big with his date on a Friday night. To put the girl in the mood, he drove her up to a spot on Mount Lemmon which overlooks the city of Tucson. They walked to an open knoll where they could ee the city lights. Overcum by the romantic locale, she succumbed to his pleas and they stripped down, made a bed of their clothes, and passionately began making love.
The heavy storm clouds rolling overhead and the low rumble of thunder inside them excited the lovers even more. At the first few flashes of lightning, they never looked up to see the charred remains of once great trees. Their idyllic clearing was a hotbed of electrical activity during the warm desert more...
MAN DIES IN FREAK ACCIDENT CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. (Nov. 13) --
A 39-year-old Charlottesville Man died Thursday in a freak accident involving his washing machine.
According to police reports, Samuel Randolph Strickson was doing laundry when he tried to speed up the process. Strickson apparently tried to stuff approximately 50 pounds of laundry into his washing machine by climbing on top of the washer and attempting to force the clothing into the basin. Strickson then apparently accidentally kicked the washing machine's ON button. When the machine turned on, Strickson lost his balance and both feet went down into the machine, where they got stuck.
The machine started its cycle, and Strickson, unable to free himself, started thrashing around as the machine's agitator went into gear. Strickson's head banged against a nearby shelf in the laundry room, knocking over a bottle of bleach, which poured over Strickson's face, blinding him.
Forensic reports say more...