Dates Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two girls were roommates.
One evening, Millie came running in, shedding clothes on the way to the bathroom.
She yelled, "Hurry up Tillie, get ready for our date!"
Tillie didn't know anything about the date and said so.
Millie explained that she'd met two really great looking guys and had made dates for both of them for that evening.
Tillie said, "I'm not going out on any more blind dates."
"Why not?"
"They're always the same," said Tillie, "It's sex, sex, sex!
Nothing but a pain in the ass!"
Millie looked at her in disbelief and exclaimed, "Honey, you're doing it wrong!"

Sunny is almost 35 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Sunny just dates and dates.
Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"
"No," Sunny replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?"
Sunny weeks go by and again Sunny and his friend get together.
So Sunny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?
Sunny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became fast friends."
"Are you and this girl engaged, yet?"
"I'm afraid not, my Father can't stand her!"

An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniver- sary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed,"Your loving husband."
His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"

(From: Greg Ryding)
Time: Early Sixties. Place: Yourtown, USA
A young unmarried couple decides after a few dates that
they are going to sleep together. So, the guy, Tom, goes to
the local pharmacy to buy some condoms.
Tom goes up to the pharmacy counter and asks the
pharmacist for some Trojans, (just like the kid in Summer of
'42). The pharmacist looks at Tom disgustedly and says,
"What's wrong with you kids today, ya go on two dates and you
wanna go to bed with each other. Why can't ya save sex for
when ya get married. You should wait until you're married!
Sex before marriage is a sin ya know."
Well Tom calmed down the pharmacist and explained that
his generation was a little different. He said that he and
his girlfriend were just trying to act responsibly and take
precautions against pregnancy and disease. The pharmacist
conceded that times were changing and finally sold him more...

On a sheet of paper, draw a picture of a pig.
Do your best.
Then scroll down and read the rest of this message.
Don't cheat, because if you do it won't work.
Draw the pig first and just follow the instructions, it won't take but a minute.
Have fun. This is quite interesting! You must not scroll down until you have drawn the pig.
Draw your picture. No cheating now. You will find this veryinteresting if you draw your picture first!
***
YOU'RE CHEATING! DRAW THE FRIGGIN PIG!!!
IT RUINS THE JOKE IF YOU DON'T DRAW THE PIG. IT
DOESN'T HAVE TO LOOK GOOD. JUST DO IT. IT'LL TAKE 20 SECONDS.
YOU'LL BE SORRY IF YOU DIDN'T DRAW THE PIG.
***
The pig serves as a useful test of the personality traits of the drawer.
If the pig is drawn:
Toward the top of the paper, you are positive and optimistic.
Toward the middle, you are a realist.
Toward the bottom, you are pessimistic, and have a tendency to behave negatively.
Facing more...