Dating Jokes / Recent Jokes

To become a man my son put rougain on his balls.
Now he's a happy man and his girlfriend's growing a mustach!

I’m lucky to be in a relationship. I was alone for so long. I was alone for so long that I would see two homeless people kissing and think, “Boy, do they have it good.” It is awkward, though, when you see two homeless people making out. You want to say something, but you know you really can’t tell them to get a room.

I saw an article today under the headline 10 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Lying. But I was groggy when I first read it and thought the last word was Dying.
Wouldn't that have been a fun article If I read that correctly:
SIGN 1: He cancels plans with you because he's been coughing up blood for 2 days straight.
SIGN 2: He spends less time with you than with a Hospice...

I'm dating a guy who's twenty-one. That's seven in boy years.

Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.
Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house. While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.
Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually irresistible men in technical professions:
Bill Gates.
MacGyver.
Damien Harding
Nick Welsh
Matt Nicol (even though he is not an more...

A Dictionary of common dating terminology
ATTRACTION
the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT
what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy on people they meet.
DATING
the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL
avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.
EASY
a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT
a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her more...

Our local cable company recently took over one of the channels and began 24-hour adverstising on it.
One of the programmes is called "The Dating Network (TM)" and consists of people placing personal ads on for this hour that it's on every night.
Cable advertises the show on other stations, and the ad goes something like this: "Successful singles don't do to singles bars! They don't go on special singles cruises! No, successful singles use The Dating Network (TM)..."
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the object of going to bars and cruises and The Dating Network (TM) to be *un*successful at being single...?
Turning back to football (some call it soccer!), our local ABC affiliate, the one that blocks out NYPD Blue with Baywatch 'cause NYPD Blue really isn't quality programming, refuses to cover the World Cup.
They announced that they didn't feel that the audience would be strong enough to show the matches, so they're instead showing movies more...