Dave Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman gets out of the shower, and the doorbell goes, her husband yells to her to get the door, so she hurrys down the stairs with just a towel on.
When the women opens the door to find her next door neighbour dave at the door, hes shocked to see her in just a towel and says "if you drop your towel i will give you five hundred pounds" the woman is confused but evenutally says yes and she drops her towel and he gives her the money.
She closes the door and runs up to her husband to tell him, he asks "who was that" she replies " dave from next door" the husband then says " good, did he give you that five hundred pounds, that he owed me"

On a burning hot summer day, John and Dave went out and walked their dogs. They got very thirsty, but since they were in town, they couldn't take their dogs into the restaurants with them. They didn't want to leave their dogs out in the heat, so John came up with an idea.

"Watch this, Dave." He put on his dark sunglasses, grabbed his dog's leash tightly and followed the dog into a restaurant and sat down without being accosted.

All the waiters assumed he was blind and this was his guide dog, so they took his order without saying anything about the dog.

Dave figured this is a great idea, so he put on his sunglasses and walked in with his dog and sat down next to John.

The manager soon came over. "What do you think you're trying to pull? This guy is obviously blind, but you can't be. Do you think I'm some kind of idiot?"

"Well, no sir," John said. "I really am blind. See my seeing-eye dog? He has more...

Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, waiting for you to come home," she said."What an example of devotion," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?""Honey," she answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door."

ATTENTION ALL MICROSOFT HATERS - I have sorted through my tagline manager and have found all of theMicrosoft bashing taglines I can possibly find. Please have yourself a laugh at Bill Gates expense:
I don't hate Windows - it runs great under OS/2!
"Chicago, Windows 4.0, Windows 95"?!?!?!?
"Mr. Worf, blow the Windows-powered Borg ship out of this Universe!"
#1 OS/2 tip: Drag the Windows folder to the shreader!!!
- Opens new Gates not seen through Windows!
.. Bugs come in through open Windows.
..Windows NT Performance", on the next "In Search Of"
After seeing Windows I realized Bill Gates is an idiot.
Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows.
Best way to dispose of the Borg: Give them Windows 3.1.
Bugs come in through Open Windows
Chernobyl used Windows
Downgrade your system for only 89 dollars! Install Windows!
Error 15 - Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.
Windows Error #F99 - CPU more...

Brian had asked Dave to help him out with cutting his rather large garden hedge after work, so Dave went straight over to Brian's home. When they got to the front door, Brian went straight up to his wife, gave her a big hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her excellent cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were cutting the privet, Dave told Brian that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Brian said that he' d started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better. Dave thought he' d give it a go.
When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Dave was confused and asked why she was crying. She said,' This is the worst day of my life. First, little Nigel fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine more...

While Diane was getting to know Dave and his family, she was quite impressed by how much his parents seemed to love each other.
"They seem so thoughtful," she said. "Goodness, your dad even brings your mom a cup of coffee in bed every morning."
Eventually, Diane and Dave became engaged, and then married.
Returning home after their wedding reception, Diane again commented about Dave's loving parents and the coffee in bed.
"Tell me, darling," Diane said, "does it run in the family?"
"It sure does, honey," Dave replied. "I take after my mom!"

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Dave stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Dave?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"