Day Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The trucks driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her whats so funny. The blonde giggled and replied, "When you werent looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Dashing through the mall...
On a late December day,
Through the $tores we go
Charging all the way...
Ching. .. Ching. .. Ching. ..
Bell$ on register$ ring
Making checkbook$ light,
Oh, what fun it is to buy up
Everything in $ight!
Ching. .. Ching. .. Ching. ..
Jingle Bells Jingle Bells
The kids all yell and scream
To us it sounds like anarchy
But to them it's harmony-HEY!
Jingle Bells Jingle Bells
The children tipped the tree
Antique ornaments smashed to bits
The kids each say "not me"
Dad goes to work each day
Engineering things for flight
But his real job is at home
Refereeing little fights
Mom drives the kids around
In an ancient Caravan
Karate, swimming, children's choir
Espresso in her hand-HEY!
Jingle Bells Jingle Bells
Jingle all the way
Our wish to you is that you have
A... Happy... Holi-dayyyyyyyyy.

Bad Light: what games tend to finish in, when it is probably twice as dark as it was when the batsman went off for bad light in the middle of the afternoon session.

Bits and Pieces Player: cricketer who is only average at more things than the average player.

Bowler's Limitation: maximum number of overs a bowler is allowed to bowl, which they usually exceed by bowling no-balls.

Bowler Tossing The Ball Up: bowler celebrating a caught and bowled.

Bowling Attack: a series of bowlers who defend.

Building A Platform For The Innings: method by which batsmen bat very slowly leaving the tail to bat very quickly to ensure a decent total.

Coloured Clothing: what players wear in the hope that spectators will wear it too; also a useful way for the crowd to tell the difference between the batsmen and the bowlers.

Day/Night Match: one-day game played under contemporary over- rates.

Death: part of the innings in more...

Sachin Tendulkar and Vinod Kambli have been very close friends since childhood. They used to do all things together, e. g., both started going to school together, both passed their SSC exams together (with identical marks), both started playing cricket together, both were selected to the Bombay Ranji cricket team together, both went to college together, and both ended up joining the Indian cricket team together. Finally, both got engaged (to different girls) together and both decided to get married on the same day.

After that, both their wives get pregnant on the same day and the doctor gives the same delivery date for both. On the delivery date, Kambli's wife gives birth to a boy while Sachin's wife gives birth to twins! Kambli gets confused. He goes to Sachin and says, "How come? We have been doing the same things all our life. How come I get a son and you get twins?" When Sachin replies, "Boost is the secret of my energy", Kapil appears behind them more...

Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

The father of 17 kids goes to the doc's with a rash on his belly. "All right" says the Doc, "drop' em and let's have a look." Having been confronted with the evidence the Doc exclaims "Yes, you've got a bad rash there, but my word, what brown balls you've got. They're truly remarkable!".

The patient is a bit embarrassed and says "Look Doc, what about the rash?"

"Oh that's easy," said the Doc, "Here's some cream to rub on. By the way, those brown balls are amazing, my I ask....."

"No," said the patient, "You can't. Now, is that all Doc?"

"Well, " said the Doctor, " You could stop the rash coming back with a bit better hygiene. Tell your wife you need clean underpants every day. And those really are the brownest balls I've ever seen!"

The guy goes home and tells his wife that the Doctor says he needs clean underpants every more...

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. Their downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love, so he asked the wife to move out and told her that he would buy her another place.

The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things. While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow shaft of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
The husband came back with his new girl and all was bliss for the more...